


Baby Blue: Part 4

by thesecretdoor



Series: Baby Blue [4]
Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:51:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 27,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10619226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesecretdoor/pseuds/thesecretdoor
Summary: All they wanted was each other, just to be together the way they once were. But now that they have it, is that still enough?





	1. August 4th 2013

Taguchi was insufferable. He was loud, annoying, obnoxious and almost suffocating. But the weeks Ueda had spent with him since getting back together were the best of his life.

Things were still a little complicated, even though six weeks had passed Taguchi was still trying to make up for his previous behaviour, and as a result was still avoiding getting too physical with him.

He was certainly making up in other areas though, Taguchi insisted on coming over to his apartment at least six days a week to help out with cleaning and cooking, and in general spoiling Ueda.

That night was no different. Even though Taguchi had his first day of filming for a new drama he had a role in the next day, he still insisted on coming over to take care of Ueda.

“Junno” Ueda whined as the younger man set two plates of spaghetti down on the table. “We could have ordered take out, you've got a big day tomorrow.”

“Don't be silly” Taguchi chuckled. “It was no trouble, and I don't have filming until the afternoon, I already know all of my lines...”

“That's not the point though...” Ueda whined, he felt like he had nothing to give back “Tomorrow, it's my turn to spoil you, OK?”

“I can't wait” Taguchi smirked “I expect you to cook something for me, from scratch” and Ueda retaliated by throwing his napkin at him.

He gave out a sigh and dug into the food, Taguchi's cooking was certainly getting better. “Are you staying tonight?” he asked after a small silence.

“I don't think I should” Taguchi replied sadly “I've already stayed over twice this week...if anyone noticed...”

“Who's going to notice?”Ueda insisted stubbornly.

“Baby, we can't take any risks, you know that...” Taguchi answered softly.

It sucked, the whole situation sucked. Well, the part about being allowed to date Taguchi didn't suck, but the part where they had to tiptoe around behind everyone's backs sucked. It was part of the deal though, and he understood why is was important, but just because he understood it, it didn't mean he had to like it. “Don't call me that.” Ueda pouted, wanting to complain about something at least.

Taguchi just smiled, he knew Ueda too well, knew he liked it really, and that thought had Ueda smiling shyly as well. “You're blushing” Taguchi teased, and Ueda stole Taguchi's napkin to throw at him too.

After eating they took the dogs along to the park for a little walk and then headed back to Ueda's apartment to curl up on the sofa.

Ueda made tea while Taguchi hunted for a movie to watch, and then he dragged a thin blanket over to the sofa to cover them with as they stripped down to their underwear in the blistering August heat.

It was far too hot, but Ueda cuddled closer to Taguchi anyway, ignoring the movie and closing his eyes to concentrate on the steady rise and fall of Taguchi's chest below his cheek, listening to the steady thump of his heart, feeling the heat of Taguchi's body that he'd been without for so many months.

When he let out a soft sigh, Taguchi pulled back, looking down at him curiously, but Ueda just smiled softly. “I love you” he said quietly, and Taguchi's face lifted into a small smile.

“I love you too” he answered back, leaning down to place the most tender and chaste of kisses against his lips.

When Taguchi turned back to the TV, Ueda lay his head back down, content to listen to Taguchi's heart as the movie played on in the background.

He never meant to fall asleep, but before he knew it, he was waking up, his head against a cushion on his sofa, the blanket thrown over him.

He got up, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes, and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was after midnight already, and there was no sign of Taguchi.

“Junno” he called out softly, but there was no reply save for a grumbling whine from one of the bundles of fur by his feet.

And that's when he noticed his keys on the table in front of him, not where he'd left them, but on closer inspection he noticed that the silly boxing mouse keyring had been sat up, leaning on the giraffe as though in an embrace, and the two of them were sitting upon a piece of paper.

He laughed a little to himself and then moved the keys, picking up the paper, it was note from Taguchi explaining that he had to get home, but Ueda had looked far too cute to wake up. It then wished him a good night's sleep and instructed him to let himself into Taguchi's apartment whenever he wanted the next day as Taguchi wasn't sure what time he'd be home.

With a smile he set the note back on the table, placing the keys back on top, arranging them in the same way Taguchi had, but he felt a slight pang of loneliness knowing that only their key-chain counterparts would be enjoying cuddles that night.

He sighed and got up from the sofa, herding the dogs back into the kitchen for the night, and then he shuffled along the hall to his bedroom where he flopped down onto his bed alone. He rolled onto his back and pulled his thin sheet lazily up around himself and stared at the door longingly for a few moments before finally rolling onto his side in the darkness.

He still felt a dull ache when Taguchi wasn't with him, and it was worse at night, when he felt cold despite the temperature, without arms holding him close. He let out another small sigh, and brought up his hand to fondle the ring on his finger comfortingly, at least he had that, and Taguchi's word that he loved him and him alone.

It was with those thoughts he finally drifted to sleep, looking forward to the next day when he'd be reunited with Taguchi again.


	2. August 7th 2013

It had been a long day, he was only a few days into filming for the new drama he had a role in, but with all the promotion on top of it, and preparations for KAT-TUN'S new single, Taguchi felt exhausted. He'd done two interviews that morning then gone straight to the filming set, then on to meetings with KAT-TUN before back to the filming set again, and he'd only had the most brief of contact with Ueda through it all.

'Don't worry about it, we can order take out again' Ueda's mail read, in reply to his own about how he was going to be even later home and he wouldn't have time to make the dinner that he'd planned to.

It wasn't that he minded ordering take-out, if he were alone he'd probably just do that anyway, but he knew Ueda cared. He didn't miss the way Ueda subtly checked the ingredients on the side of the carton, probably working out how many extra hours he'd have to spend at the gym to work it off, how many hours less time they'd have together. Cooking was easier, it made Ueda feel better and it made Taguchi feel a sense of pride that he was providing for his partner, and making him happy.

'Only if you promise not to worry about your weight if we do...' he hesitantly mailed back. He waited quietly for the response as ADs flitted around, picking at his costume and swiping at his hair.

He shoved his phone quickly back into his pocket as the reply came through 'Maybe you can help me work it off later?', and he cleared his throat as he willed his cheeks not to flush. Once he was alone he snuck it back out of his pocket, the first message he typed out was to reprimand him for his carelessness, but he deleted the words, they should really talk about that in person. The next mail he typed was a regretful decline of his offer, but this really wasn't the way to discuss that either. With a sigh he settled for 'They need me on set, I'll let you know when I'm on my way home.'

He worked through the rest of his scene, trying to focus only on getting it done well so he could get home to Ueda, and then as promised, he mailed Ueda again to let him know he was setting off.

When he arrived home, he was relieved to hear the sound of a guitar as he opened the door and he tiptoed in quietly, standing just outside the living room to listen a little longer.

When the song finished he finally stepped through “Tadaima”.

Ueda looked up at him, and the calm joy in his eyes made everything feel right again. “Okaeri”. Ueda moved the guitar off of him and stood up just in time to be swept into Taguchi's arms as he all but flew across the space between them. “I missed you too” Ueda laughed, pulling back enough to place gentle kisses onto Taguchi's lips.

“I'm glad you're here” Taguchi mumbled against the soft press of warmth against his lips, his arms tightening instinctively around Ueda's body, pulling him closer.

Ueda chuckled again, playfully pushing him away but taking his hand instead, and leading him down the hallway to the bathroom. “You're just in time.” And as Ueda opened the bathroom door, he was met with the soothing scent of lavender steam, rising from his bathtub. “I thought you might be achy...”

Taguchi let out a contented hum, and leaned in to kiss Ueda's forehead, before proceeding into the bathroom and checking the temperature of the bathwater, perfect. He then proceeded to throw off his clothes, dumping them unceremoniously into the laundry bin. He was about to climb in, when a gentle cough behind him commanded his attention.

“Is it OK if I stay?” Ueda asked quietly, nodding towards the counter.

And when Taguchi nodded “Of course” and smiled, Ueda let his own shy smile spread across his face, and he hopped up to sit on the bathroom counter as Taguchi finally sunk under the water.

He closed his eyes and lay his head back against the side of the bath as Ueda talked to him quietly about what he'd been up to that day. He wasn't really paying too close attention, and he knew Ueda wouldn't be expecting him too, but it was nice just to hear the other man's voice, it was soothing.

Before long he noticed that the room was too quiet, he was about to turn his head to look for Ueda, when there were hands on his shoulders, rubbing soothingly. He couldn't help a soft moan as they pressed harder into his skin, rubbing the tense muscles of his shoulders and then pushing him forward to start on his neck and back.

He moaned again, something deeper, as they worked their way into a knot on his back, and then he sighed with relief as it disappeared. He was pulled back against the side of the bath next, and the hands resumed over his shoulders, running down his chest as a mouth nuzzled into his neck.

“It's like that night after your trip to Hokkaido right?” Ueda asked in an almost husky voice, still mouthing along his shoulder, but the only response he could manage was to nod. “You remember what happened next, right?” and one of his hands started to roam lower, slipping under the water and fluttering along his abs, down to his stomach.

It took all of Taguchi's willpower to move his hand and catch Ueda's where it was. “Tatsuya...” he almost groaned.

“What?” Ueda asked, his voice dripping lust. “I know you want it too...”

He did, but it scared him. Ueda seemed to sense his hesitation and tried again to move his hand down. “Don't...”

He felt Ueda's sigh as it puffed out against his neck. “Junno...how long are we going to wait?”

Taguchi took a deep breath to try and calm the rising stir of arousal he was feeling. “Just...I don't want to rush anything...”

“Rush anything?” Ueda asked, sounding almost shocked “Junno we've been together again for nearly seven weeks...I think that counts as not rushing things...”

“It's not about the amount of time...it's about how we feel...and I already hurt you before by not considering that...”

Ueda gave another sigh and pulled his hand back out of Taguchi's grip, pulling it out of the water and back into his own lap “I really appreciate that you're being so careful, but there's really no need to be. We're OK now, aren't we? We can be together...so why shouldn't we...be together. Junno, I'm ready to take things to the next step...”

He hung his head a little “I don't know if I am...” he shifted uncomfortably “Can we not talk about this while I'm naked?”

It was silent for a beat, and then Ueda was laughing, it was restrained with a little hint of despair, but it was genuine “Baka” he replied, hitting Taguchi gently on the head. “Hurry up and get out then, I'll go call for food, what do you want?”


	3. August 13th 2013

It was torture. It was too hot and that unfortunately meant less clothing, which for Ueda meant more ogling at the body of his boyfriend, while still being denied it.

Photo-shoots were the worst, the directors taking advantage of the heat to have them stripping off to show sweat and sex appeal, or getting soaked as they chase each other around make-shift gardens with water pistols. It was about as much as Ueda could take.

“Will you put your shirt back on” Ueda finally snapped at Taguchi as they all headed back into their dressing room.

Taguchi offered him a guilty look and proceeded to put on the shirt that until a minute ago he'd been slapping everyone's butts with. “Sorry Uepi.”

“Do you know how distracting that it is? You're so annoying!” Ueda snapped again, nodding in satisfaction at Taguchi's sheepish nod.

“Whoa there” Koki laughed. “If I didn't know better I'd say someone needed to get laid.”

He didn't mean for it to happen, but a loud sarcastic snort, slipped out of him, and there was no disguising it.

“What was that about? You are right?” Kame laughed.

“Well...ano...not exactly” Taguchi chipped in quietly.

“What?!” Koki all but screamed, busting into laughter.

“Trouble in paradise?” Maru smirked.

“Well I'm glad you all find my frustration so funny!” Ueda snapped yet again, though it lacked the force of his previous outbursts.

“You're serious?” Kame asked, his face almost incredulous.

“We're waiting...” Taguchi answered timidly.

“Waiting for what?” was Kame's amused reply.

Taguchi looked to Ueda for help, but Ueda wasn't about to offer any, he'd made it very clear he was ready whenever Taguchi was.

“We don't want to rush into things...I was a jerk and I used both him and Mayu-chan...and I don't want to do that again...” Taguchi eventually explained, but the others' reaction were pretty much the same as Ueda's.

“That doesn't even make sense” Maru spoke first. “You've been together for months...and before all that you were together for ages too.”

“You don't need to convince me...” Ueda replied “That's what I said.”

“It's sweet that you're thinking so much about things but really...” Koki questioned.

“Hey come on, it's not any of our business anyway” Kame reasoned, And they all grumbled agreement.

With that said and nothing being any the better for it, Ueda hastily packed his things into his bag and headed for the door. “See you guys later.”

He made it as far as his car before his phone beeped, one new message, from Taguchi. He gave a sigh as he opened it, but the contents perked his mood up immediately. 'Maybe I have been a little unreasonable. Can I come over after work to start trying to make up for it?'

Just the thought of it was working up his appetite 'I'll be eagerly awaiting your return.'

Feeling much better about the whole prospect, he drove home and made sure that the dogs were taken care of and that he was all clean and ready waiting for Taguchi to arrive.

When he finally heard the front door open, he practically raced the dogs to it, to greet Taguchi, but the younger man barely had time to utter a greeting before Ueda was on him. He pushed him straight back into the door, kissing him with all the ferocity that had been building up with his frustration.

“Slow down, baby” Taguchi managed to whimper while Ueda was pre-occupied with pulling his coat and T-shirt from his body.

“Don't want to” Ueda replied stubbornly, his lips moving back to claim Taguchi's while his hands moved further down, making quick work of Taguchi's belt. He'd never felt so desperate, he was shaking with the force of how badly he wanted it, straining his jeans in need of it.

But Taguchi managed to pry him off. “At least let me shower first OK?”

The sight of Taguchi, all flustered and flushed, his lips red and swollen only made Ueda more eager, but he took a deep breath, stepping back a little. “You have five minutes, don't bother getting dressed again.”

He headed back along the hallway, shutting himself in his bedroom and stripping off his clothes, while Taguchi went to shower. It felt like forever, laying there alone and naked, the sheets rubbing delicious friction over his achingly hard cock, and he wanted nothing more than to reach down, to relieve himself of his distress.

It was closer to fifteen minutes by the time Taguchi finally closed the bedroom door behind him, wrapped in just a towel. He launched himself over to the younger man, wasting no more time in pressing their lips back together, pulling Taguchi closer to the bed, then finally down onto it.

“Tatsuya, slow down.” Taguchi managed, through Ueda's bruising kisses. When Ueda refused to let up, he pushed at Ueda's shoulder's, swinging his leg over the other at the same time to successfully switch their positions.

Ueda didn't know whether to feel furious, or just hotter, but neither seemed to matter once Taguchi's lips met his skin, kissing first across his face and then down to his throat and chest. He wriggled against the touch, moving his hips up half as a hint, half just to feel something. Then with a soft laugh, Taguchi rewarded his efforts, moving down further and taking the head of his cock into his mouth.

His resulting groan was loud enough to set the dogs off barking, but he couldn't care, he couldn't focus on anything but the soft, wet heat, moving down, engulfing him. His hips jerked involuntarily as Taguchi moved back up, pressing his tongue hard against his shaft, then flicking lightly over the head, before moving back down again.

The pace was almost maddening, and he moved a shaky hand to Taguchi's hair, threading it through his fingers in encouragement as he started to rock his hips just a little, seeking out something faster. He could feel when Taguchi smiled around him, and he lifted his head to look down, seeing the almost devious expression for himself.

And then Taguchi was letting go, moving over on the bed and reaching into the top drawer of Ueda's bedside table, his face lighting up when he found what he was looking for.

Ueda wanted to protest the loss of feeling, but at the sight of the crumpled tube in Taguchi's hand, all he could do was groan in anticipation. He waited, legs shaking as Taguchi moved back between them, unscrewing the cap and squeezing some of the cool liquid onto his fingers.

He flinched at the feeling of the cold gel against his entrance, and then tensed as the tip of a finger pushed steadily past the resistance of his body. It felt almost strange to him, after going so long without feeling any stimulation in that area, but it certainly wasn't a bad feeling and so he pushed back a little against it, meeting Taguchi's hand as he thrust slowly inside again.

“Fuck” Taguchi groaned, his expression desperate “Baby you're so tight.”

But Ueda refrained from bringing up how long it had been, not needing any reminders of that last incident in his music room. Instead he just groaned, pushing back again and then moaning louder as another finger joined the first. He automatically tensed against the intrusion again, this one bearing more of a burn, but before he could think too much about it, Taguchi was leaning forward again to take his cock back into his mouth.

He cried out in pleasure at the added sensation, and the feel of his muscles clamping against Taguchi's fingers, and then he cried out louder as Taguchi pulled the fingers most of the way out, thrusting them back in just as his mouth moved down on his cock.

His hands moved back to Taguchi's hair as his back arched off the bed, and Taguchi complied, speeding up his actions with his mouth and thrusting his fingers in time. And then as he pushed his fingers in again he crooked them slightly, scratching over Ueda's prostate hard enough to have Ueda practically sobbing in pleasure.

It was intense, and perfect, and his frustrations of the last few weeks were building up, pushing the pleasure to an almost intolerable level, leaving him able only to jerk in Taguchi's hold, his body tense and his breath erratic. But he had just enough mind left to know he was getting too close, so he pushed lightly at Taguchi's shoulder.

“Junno stop” he moaned “I'm so close...” but Taguchi did no such thing, instead he hollowed his cheeks and swallowed harder around Ueda's cock, pushing him closer to that edge. “Junno” he moaned again, wanting more, wanting to feel Taguchi inside him. “Please Junno...fuck me.”

But once again Taguchi just swallowed around him, his head bobbing frantically, and as he crooked his fingers one last time, Ueda couldn't hold on. His mouth fell open in a silent scream as his hips jerked almost violently, emptying himself into Taguchi's mouth.

Taguchi waited long enough for his body to relax, exhausted against the sheets, and then he finally slipped his fingers out, and let the softening flesh fall from his mouth, before swallowing pointedly and licking his lips.

“I've missed the way you taste” Taguchi said quietly, his voice still low and gravelly from his own arousal.

Ueda reached out a hand to rub soothingly at Taguchi's but it took a few more minutes of careful deep breaths before he could speak again. “Junno...I'm certainly not complaining, but you said...”

“I know” Taguchi cut him off “But I didn't say sex, I still think we should wait a little longer...but I'm OK with us doing other stuff until we're ready.”

If he weren't still basking in his post-orgasmic bliss, Ueda would have probably protested about the waiting thing, but as it was he was too sated to argue.


	4. August 30th 2013

After a few more weeks, Ueda found himself still without sex. He understood where Taguchi was coming from, but they'd been together again long enough, surely.

He found himself thinking about it again as Taguchi went down on him. He'd been hopeful that night when Taguchi had teasingly stripped every last piece of clothing from his body, but when the younger man had crawled down, shuffling his way between Ueda's legs, with only his own shirt removed, he knew it was too much to hope for.

He closed his eyes, leaning his head back as Taguchi sucked him down, pulling back up slowly, and then he gasped at the feeling of his tongue against the tip.

He wouldn't want to complain, a blow job is still something, but part of him needed more, craved it, and he didn't even care which way round they went, he just wanted something more intimate.

His hips bucked a little, pushing impatiently into the tight heat of Taguchi's lips, one hand knotting in this hair, squeezing tight as teeth grazed along the shaft, dragging a shudder from his body.

It wasn't just because Taguchi was so far away down there either, they'd done other things, touching with wanton hands, all but smothering each other with kisses as they thrust against each other, spilling together stickily between their rocking bodies. But it still wasn't enough.

He groaned louder, feeling his release nearing, and then gave an almost desperate whine as Taguchi slowed, dragging it on, drawing him slowly to the edge, driving him insane until he was a writhing mess. Only then, with Taguchi's name spilling from his lips between pleas did he speed up, knocking Ueda breathless with the force of the pleasure rocketing through him.

He could feel Taguchi swallowing around him as he tried to calm his desperate breaths, his nerves still alight with feeling, but even when Taguchi shuffled back up, laying beside him and rolling Ueda over to face him, kissing him tenderly, he still felt tense.

As Taguchi continued to kiss him, even as his body cooled, physically satisfied, inside he felt no relief. It wasn't just sexual tension, it was desperation to feel Taguchi close to him, it was that lost, broken feeling he'd been plagued with in their months apart. And to feel it now, when he was wrapped in the very arms he was yearning for was torture. He felt his body shaking with it, drowning him in the darkness of those lost moments, and before he could even think to control it, he was sobbing against Taguchi's lips.

When Taguchi broke away to look at him, he could only stare back, trying to convey his feelings through his pleading expression, but Taguchi seemed to understand “Ssshh, it's OK baby.” Taguchi whispered against his temple, placing a soft kiss there, and then he was being rolled onto his back, Taguchi rolling with him to hover over him. His expression was gentle, understanding, and he leaned down to press gentle kisses against his lips as he moved one hand down to unfasten his own jeans, pushing them down.

He got up only long enough to throw his clothes to the floor and reach for the lube from his drawer, and then he was back, covering Ueda's body with his own, kissing him through the gentle tremors as Ueda tried to control his breathing. Taguchi's hand roamed down as his kisses continued, pushing Ueda's leg gently to the side so that the hand could fit more easily between them, rubbing cold liquid against his entrance.

He gasped at the sensation, and another sob choked it's way out. “I know” Taguchi murmured, kissing him through the next gasp as a finger slid inside. “I don't want to hurt you.”

The words had Ueda trembling in anticipation, panting breathily against Taguchi's lips as he tried to push back against the intrusion, and then he was gasping as a second finger joined it, thrusting slowly.

He whined softly as the fingers brushed against his prostate, still sensitive from his previous orgasm, but he wouldn't have stopped his actions for the world.

The third finger was a little harder to take, since getting back together Taguchi had been so gentle with him, and so it had been months since he'd felt that stretched. Taguchi removed his fingers too soon, and yet it wasn't soon enough, he needed it, all of it, all of Taguchi and he refused to be held back by his body.

He met Taguchi's low groan with his own high pitched moan as Taguchi finally pushed inside, his hips jerking involuntarily at the feeling. And then Taguchi was pulling back out, pushing in slowly until he adjusted to the flesh inside him.

Once it was comfortable, Ueda nodded against the side of Taguchi's face, his hands coming up to wrap around Taguchi's shoulders, pulling him closer. He gasped at the feeling of Taguchi twitching inside of him, drawing out slowly and pushing back in hard.

It was perfect, the rhythm slow and hard, allowing him time to get used to the sensations, for them to turn to pleasure again, and then Taguchi was thrusting faster, more shallow as he leaned down to connect their lips, kissing deeply through moans.

Taguchi dragged Ueda's hand between them, wrapping it around his own erection and helping him to move it in time with the thrusts.

He felt his body tightening, dragging a moan from somewhere deep in Taguchi's chest, and then his hand sped up.

He could feel it building too fast, and his hips jerked with the rising pressure, his body spasming around Taguchi. Taguchi's hand released him suddenly, his body shuddering as he planted both hands on the bed, thrusting harder a final few times before crying out as his orgasm hit him.

The feelings and the sounds, and that look of raw pleasure on Taguchi's face was enough to push Ueda over, and with the next stroke of his hand he came hard between them.

Taguchi held himself up, panting just a few more moments and then he slipped out, rolling to lay beside Ueda again. “I love you” Taguchi panted.

And Ueda wiped his hand on the bedsheets as he rolled to face him “I love you too...thank you...”

Taguchi just laughed breathlessly “That was incredible.” and Ueda hummed his agreement, a smile spreading across his face as he snuggled his face into the crook of Taguchi's neck.


	5. September 8th 2013

It was overwhelming, love. True love, warm and deep, and tingling right down to his toes, making his heart hammer against his chest with the strength of what he was feeling. He was brimming with happiness watching the TV, seeing Ueda in the familiar NHK hall, up there on the stage they'd performed on so many times, he was over-flowing with pride.

It had been recorded weeks ago, and Ueda had already told him every tiny detail of it over a quiet dinner in, but seeing it on TV felt almost surreal. Ueda was an idol, with the guitar swinging loosely on his shoulder, his dark hair sticking up artfully, his top falling down over his shoulder, he could very well be a rock star as well. But above all he was Taguchi's lover. He was perfect.

“How did I ever survive without you?” he murmured towards the TV, his heart skipping a beat as Ueda winked towards the camera, the rest of his face lighting up in a mischievous grin.

Taguchi groaned aloud, that expression alone triggering a whole series of desires and cravings that only increased as on-screen, Ueda moved over to sit with the juniors, smiling and laughing his way through the small interview.

He was glad, at least, when only a few minutes later the front door opened and Ueda's cheery voice called out “Tadaima”

He'd barely gotten his “Okaeri” out before he was pressing Ueda back against the closed door, kissing him roughly.

“Hello to you too” Ueda chuckled when Taguchi finally let him away from the wall “What's gotten you so worked up?”

“You” Taguchi stated simply, pulling Ueda into his own apartment and over to the sofa, “Shounen Club”

“Aahh” Ueda sighed in recognition “Was it the outfit? I thought you would like it...”

“It was everything. Just you” Taguchi groaned in response, pushing Ueda down to sit on the sofa and quickly shoving off his own trousers and underwear, baring his already thick erection, before climbing onto Ueda's lap.

“You're eager” Ueda smirked, but there was no complaint in it and so Taguchi just leaned in to kiss him again, reaching under the sofa cushion for the lube they'd stashed there.

It had only been a matter of hours since their last session, so it wasn't difficult to open himself up again, pushing his own fingers inside himself quickly, impatiently, and scissoring them.

When Ueda caught on to his actions he responded with a moan, and then broke apart to drag off his T-shirt and open his trousers, pulling out his half hard cock. He stroked himself slowly, almost lazily while Taguchi prepared himself, but Taguchi was too desperate. He pulled his fingers from himself and squirted more lube over them before smacking away Ueda's hand to spread the lube over Ueda's erection, squeezing it to full hardness in the process.

“I love you” Taguchi moaned against Ueda's lips as he finally felt the hard flesh sliding inside of him, and then there was no room for words as he crashed their lips back together, rocking his hips hard.

It was fast and erratic, exhausting even, and half an hour later Taguchi found himself spread eagled on the sofa, panting heavily while Ueda cleaned the worst of the mess from him with tissues. When he was done Ueda threw the tissues lazily to the floor and collapsed down onto Taguchi's still sweat-slicked body.

“You look incredible like that.” Taguchi murmured happily and Ueda glanced for a moment to the TV where the ending credits of Shounen Club were rolling. “Yeah you look hot there too, but I meant like this.” and he couldn't help the grin spreading over his face as Ueda tilted his face up to look questioningly at him. “With your skin all red and blotchy and your eyes all glassy, your lips swollen and full, and your hair...your hair is a fucking mess.”

They both laughed together and Ueda hid his face in the crook of Taguchi's neck, but Taguchi could hear the pout in his voice “I can't help it, it's you that does this to me...”

Taguchi hummed contentedly “I know...and I intend on doing it to you for the rest of our lives too.” and he couldn't help smirking as he continued “Maybe even for the rest of the day.”

Ueda snorted “Fuck off, that's three times already in less than 24 hours...I don't think I physically could go again.”

“We'll see” Taguchi smirked and Ueda laughed. “I don't have work until later tonight, some food and a shower might sort you out...”

“You're insatiable.” Ueda snorted.

“Yeah, but you knew that...and you're the one that was so pushy about sleeping together again...you opened this can of worms all on your own.” Taguchi retorted, but there was no venom to it.

As it turned out a shower, some food and a short power nap were indeed to keys to, sorting Ueda out, as it were and four hours later they were laying once again panting, only this time in Ueda's bed.

Taguchi rolled over to flop half across Ueda's body. “I'll never get enough of this.” he sighed happily, running his fingers lightly over Ueda's abs and stomach.

“I think I've already had enough” Ueda groaned in response “And please stop moving your hand, I can't even imagine how much it's going to hurt if I get hard again.”

Taguchi chuckled “OK, I get it, we can take a break for another couple of hours.”

Ueda laughed “Don't push your luck...my balls already ache...I can't take any more...”

Taguchi laughed almost cruelly. “I'm sorry baby.”

“You will be once I can stand” Ueda teased.

Taguchi rolled onto him “Well I'd just better make sure you can't then...” he smirked, gripping Ueda's wrists and pinning them beside Ueda's head, leaning down to kiss him sloppily.

Ueda whined in protest, turning his head away “Junno, I can't...I want to, but I really can't.”

Taguchi smiled and leaned down to press one more chaste kiss on his lips, before rolling off him and getting up to gather his clothes. “I need to get ready for work anyway.”

Ueda pouted and Taguchi couldn't resist walking back over to give him another kiss. “Will you be back after work?” he asked a little sadly.

“I won't be finished until late, you should get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow...”

“OK” Ueda agreed, pulling him back down for another kiss, something deeper, but somehow sweeter, filled with the emotion of everything between them. “I love you”

“I love you too baby.” and reluctantly he pulled away to go and take a shower.

Ueda was already asleep when he got out, sprawled awkwardly half under the covers where Taguchi had left him. He snuck out his phone to snap a sneaky picture, unable to resist the cute expression on Ueda's face, the way his mouth hung open a little, and the teasing glimpses of his soft skin where limbs jutted out from beneath the sheets.

It was hard to leave him like that, but Taguchi had to get to work and so he took the picture with him, glancing at it occasionally to give him strength through the difficult hours of filming.


	6. September 24th - October 4th 2013

As the weeks passed, Ueda managed to convince Taguchi into a more manageable pace for their sex life. It wasn't that he didn't want to have sex so much, if it were possible he'd happily do nothing but have sex with him for the rest of his life, but he just couldn't keep up with Taguchi, not when he wanted it twice or sometimes three times a day.

“You don't need to feel bad, or like you're letting me down” Taguchi insisted seriously, as they lay sated for the first time in two days. “I honestly didn't expect to keep that pace up for long...I physically couldn't either, it's just nice to embrace that new 'can't keep your hands off each other' feeling for a while...”

“You're sure...” Ueda checked.

“I'm sure...you should know that, we weren't doing it constantly before right? And you know I was satisfied then.” Ueda nodded, that much was true. “Besides we'd never get anything else done if we spent all day in bed...imagine all the video games I'd be missing out on...”

Ueda laughed a little “At least for me I'd still be getting a work out either way.” They lay in content silence for a while “And we really can't do it at the Jimusho any more either...we were being too careless...” he added, thinking back two weeks ago when on two separate occasions they'd found themselves alone at the Jimusho, between jobs and with not enough time to get to one of their apartments.

“Agreed.” Taguchi nodded.

“It's still kind of annoying that you beat me in stamina though...” Ueda continued after a while.

“If it were a long-distance run or something you would totally kick my ass...but when it comes to libido and stuff everyone is different right? And especially as you get older...”

“Hey!” Ueda cut in almost offended “I'm not getting old! I'm not even that much older than you”

“I didn't mean it like that” Taguchi insisted, flustered “I didn't mean when you get old...just older...in general...”

Ueda was far from convinced but he let the matter drop “That's alright then...”

“Though while we're on the topic of age...” Taguchi started and Ueda turned and fixed him with a glare that told him to tread lightly “No it's a good thing...I just, I was going to say since it's your birthday soon, maybe we should do something special...you know since it's your 30th.”

Ueda's eyes widened “You don't need to remind me thanks.”

“Come on Tatsuya, 30 isn't old.” Taguchi insisted.

“It's old enough.” Ueda countered.

“Well anyway” Taguchi pushed on. “Is there anything you want to do? I kind of have this thing planned, but with the drama and everything...that will have to wait until the end of October, maybe November until we're both free...”

“Hmm? What is this thing you have planned?” Ueda asked, intrigued.

“A secret of course” Taguchi taunted “But is there anything you want to do for your actual birthday?”

“Not especially...nothing big at least...I think my family will probably want to see me at some point.”

“And what about a present...is there anything you want?

“Do you count as a present?” Ueda asked a little slyly.

“Depends on what you have in mind...”. Ueda laughed and raised an eyebrow but Taguchi just smirked and continued “You don't have to wait until your birthday for that...you can have it whenever you want it.”

4th October 2013

Ueda continued to ignore the question of his birthday and presents for as long as possible, of course he couldn't avoid his parents, and so on the big day he went round to visit them. They threw a small family party, nothing too big, which he was rather pleased about since, in his eyes, turning 30 was nothing to celebrate.

He left in the early evening, taking a taxi home so as not to risk driving after the three glasses of champagne they practically forced on him, and he was about ready to pass out by the time he arrived home.

“Okaeri” Taguchi called, before he'd even had chance to take off his shoes. “Where have you been? I told you not to be late home didn't I?”

He tried to think back, had Taguchi said that? It was possible. “I'm sorry, I guess I forgot...”

“Never mind.” Taguchi called back, coming into view and Ueda was a little surprised to see him dressed rather smartly in a suit. “Go get changed, we need to leave soon.”

“Leave soon where?” Ueda whined. “I don't want to go out, I'm tired.”

“Uepi, I told you last week I'd booked a restaurant...I told you the time and everything...”

“Junno, I'm tired...I had work this morning and then a long day with my family and they're pretty darn exhausting...can't we just stay in? For my birthday?”

Taguchi glanced over at the clock and then back to Ueda, letting out a sigh. “That's what you want? For your birthday?”

“Yes” Ueda hummed happily, “I want to stay home and take a bath, then you can give me a massage...then we can see where things go from there.”

Taguchi let out another deflated sigh but then his lips turned up in a small smile “I still get the points for effort though right?”

“Of course. Now run me a bath.” he teased in response.

Taguchi did just that, taking off his jacket and loosening his tie as he headed to the bathroom to turn on the water. While he waited for the tub to fill he wandered back to the sitting room, ignoring Ueda's raking through the fridge while he called the restaurant to cancel the reservation.

“Happy now?” Taguchi teased as Ueda headed into the bathroom, stripping off his clothes.

“I will be pretty soon.” Ueda hummed, climbing into the water.

“Shall I go order take out?”

“That's a good idea.” Ueda almost sighed, his head resting back against the porcelain, and he was just drifting into a peaceful sleep when Taguchi returned to shake him awake.

“Don't be going to sleep in there. I'm not done with you yet. Get cleaned up and come to the bedroom.”

He didn't miss the sly smirk on Taguchi's face “I hope this isn't going to involve me using any energy.” he whined, but he did as Taguchi asked anyway, washing himself as thoroughly as possible, inside and out.

He wasn't expecting the sight that greeted him as he walked through the bedroom door only ten minutes later. There were rose scented candles lining the bedside table and dresser, petals littering his bed which was covered with large bath towel, and two glasses beside a bottle of wine. He walked further into the room and looked at his surroundings, but Taguchi followed him in just a moment later. “Do you like it?”

“How did you manage this?” he asked, his eyebrow raised.

“I know how unpredictable you can be...it's best to prepare for at least a plan B and plan C...” Taguchi smirked back.

“Yeah? What's plan C?” he asked more out of curiosity than anything.

Taguchi chuckled, placing a gentle kiss on his bare shoulder “Plan C was what I was going to do if you passed out at your parents house and didn't come home...mostly it involved the wine and a lot of tears, and a copy of the new Metal Gear Solid.”

Ueda laughed and hit him playfully. “I like this one...”

Taguchi laughed in response “Well for the record it was a really good restaurant too...”

“I'm sorry...I ruined your plans...” Ueda started a little sadly, but Taguchi cut him off with another chaste kiss, this time to his lips.

“Only Plan A...but to be honest I think I prefer plan B too. Now go lay down.”


	7. October 4th 2013

Taguchi watched as he did as instructed, moving over to the bed and carefully holding his towel around his waist as he edged onto the bed. Taguchi joined him just a moment later, his shirt removed to leave only the T-shirt beneath it.

“Happy Birthday.” Taguchi wished him, his tone already lower in anticipation, and then he reached over for the bottle of wine, pouring a generous measure for Ueda before handing him the glass. Ueda sniffed at it carefully as he poured his own, and then he clinked his glass against Ueda's “To being young.”

Ueda rolled his eyes but took a sip anyway. “So where is my present?”

“I'm right here baby.” He answered cheesily “You did tell me you wanted me as a gift right?”

Ueda snorted taking another sip of his wine “I was only joking...And about the present too, this is already enough, the wine and the restaurant...sometimes you treat me too well.”

“You forgot about the massage...” Taguchi pouted.

“Massage? You haven't giv...” Ueda started, but Taguchi cut him off with a pointed kiss to the lips, keeping them connected as he took the glass from Ueda's hand, placing it blindly on the table beside them.

“Roll over...and lose the towel.” he murmured.

Ueda smirked into the kiss but his hands moved down, untying the towel around his waist and letting it drop to the floor as he pulled away, moving to lay on the towel spread across the bed.

Taguchi took a moment just to enjoy the view, the slender curves of Ueda's body, the tightness of his muscles, visible under the soft, creamy skin, the soft black hair falling into his closed eyes as he lay his head against the pillow. He bit into his lip to prevent him from groaning aloud with want, with desire and emotion to just feel, but he had other plans, plans that were, almost, entirely selfless.

He climbed off the bed for just long enough to remove his dress pants and then retrieve the bottle of massage oil from where he'd stashed it in the drawer, and then he climbed back up beside Ueda, pouring a generous amount of the oil onto his hands before placing them lightly on the smooth expanse of Ueda's back.

Ueda hummed happily as he moved them all over, coating his shoulders and back in the slick substance before starting in with his hands properly, pressing down, rubbing hard, digging the heels of his palms into the tense muscles.

He ignored his growing arousal as each one of Ueda's contented groans sent shivers straight to his groin, concentrating only on smoothing the tension from Ueda's limbs. Even he could only take the denial for so long though, and eventually he gave in, moving to straddle Ueda's legs and kiss at his shoulders and neck, a little rougher than necessary consider the slow pace of his fingers.

He continued to kiss, dipping his tongue out to taste the flavoured oil as he moved lower along Ueda's spine, and Ueda's next moan was one of desperation. He lowered his hands too, moving them down until they reached the flesh of Ueda's ass, squeezing just enough to have Ueda's hips jerking beneath him.

He kissed lower, his tongue darting out to lick at the edge of Ueda's buttock, and he took the resulting squirm as encouragement as he plucked up the courage to do what he'd been imagining doing for quite some time.

Ueda groaned loudly as his tongue snuck closer, short, fast laps against his skin, moving lower between the cheeks of his ass. Almost there, his mouth watering in excitement and anticipation and even Ueda's feeble plea of “Junno, no...don't.” couldn't stop him as he reached his tongue out one last time, pressing it hard against the tight ring of muscle.

Ueda's sharp cry coupled with the way his hips jerked was enough to convince Taguchi that he hadn't meant his previous protests, and he was even more convinced as he licked again, a quick, teasing flick that had Ueda crying out again before muffling his groans into his pillow.

He could feel the muscle twitching under his tongue and took another, longer lick across it, loving the way Ueda had to bite down into the pillow to stop the noises.

Soon he settled into a rhythm, alternating between fast and slow licks, varying the pressure every now and then to stop Ueda from settling into it too, keeping the sensations new and interesting, before finally pressing down harder feeling the contractions around his tongue as the tip of it slipped inside.

Ueda groaned, a mixture of Taguchi's name and swear words spilling from his lips as he pushed back against the intrusion, trying to work it further inside his body.

Taguchi groaned in response, the noise muffled against Ueda's body as he pushed harder, swirling his tongue as much as possible in the tight space.

“Junno, please...” Ueda almost sobbed, his words directed into the pillow as his hips bucked further up, his legs supporting them to hold him a few inches off of the bed, and Taguchi didn't need to ask what it was he wanted, slipping his tongue out and pushing back in again as his hand, still slick with oil moved up under Ueda's body to take hold of his leaking erection.

It took barely anything, a light squeeze and a gentle stroke, coupled with his tongue's ministrations, before Ueda was screaming into the pillow and spilling over Taguchi's fingers, the force of his muscles contracting enough to push Taguchi's tongue out of him.

When his shudders ceased he flopped back down onto the bed, and Taguchi wiped his hands on the towel under Ueda's body before flopping down beside him.

“That was incredible.” Ueda sighed, stretching his arms out to the side before pulling them under his head, his eyes closed in content.

Taguchi chuckled “I liked it too, I'd like to do it again sometime...”

“Hhhmm.” Ueda hummed “It's kind of gross though...”

“I don't think so...” Taguchi mused back “Nothing about you could be gross...” and he leaned in to kiss Ueda's cheek only to have the older man pull away, his face crinkling in disgust.

“I know where that mouth has been...” he teased.

Taguchi opened his mouth to respond but there was a knock at the door that interrupted him. “Take-out is here.” Taguchi pouted instead, ignoring the tent in his boxers as he got up and threw on a bathrobe before going to answer the door.


	8. October 30th 2013

He woke up to find an envelope on the pillow beside his head, and no Taguchi to be found. Sleepily he rubbed at his eyes and sat up, turning the envelope over to find the words 'Happy Birthday' written on it, and frowning at it he opened it up and pulled out what appeared to be a letter and a plane ticket.

His curiosity got the better of him and he looked first at the plane ticket, the destination a place he hadn't heard of. He turned to the letter for explanation, but there were few words. 'Koki and I will pick you up from work this evening. Be outside the Fuji TV station at 5pm.'

He glanced back at the plane ticket again, it was dated that day. He smiled as he slid the letter and the ticket back into the envelope, he'd been pretty certain that the sudden 5 day break in his schedule was something to do with Taguchi but the younger man had refused to comment on it beyond raised eyebrows and a knowing smile.

He got up and ready, though he didn't really have much work planned that day, a meeting with his manager about what he hoped would be a new drama in the new year, and then filming for a variety show he was appearing on.

The filming finished at 4:45pm and so he rushed back to the dressing room to grab his things and wash his face before heading out to wait for Taguchi and Koki.

Neither of them spoke as he got into the car, despite his questioning about where they were going. That question answered itself soon enough though as Koki seemed to be following the road directions for the airport.

“We've leaving right now?” Ueda asked in surprise “But I haven't packed...”

“Stop worrying” Taguchi insisted “I've got everything we need.” and he appeared to be right as they arrived and Ueda went to the boot to help unload the two rather large suitcases stuffed into it.

“How long are we going for?” Ueda asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You'll be back by my birthday...so don't forget to buy me something nice on your journey OK?” Koki supplied, but Taguchi just laughed and hugged him.

“Thanks for dropping us off Koki, we'll see you in a few days.”

Ueda followed suit, giving Koki a quick hug. “Bye Koki.”

“See you guys, don't do anything I wouldn't do alright?” Koki teased.

Taguchi laughed again “Unless you've taken to extreme amounts of anal sex then I assure you we will be.”

Ueda just coughed, trying to remind the others of their location. “OK...well...plane, right?”

Taguchi nodded and turned away from Koki, who watched them until they were inside the terminal.

“Are you excited?” Taguchi asked once they'd checked in, Taguchi taking care of all the forms and luggage tickets.

“Yeah...I have no idea where we're going though...”

Taguchi smiled “It's on the ticket...we're going to Yukon, it's in Canada...”

Ueda eyes widened “Canada? Really?”

Taguchi just nodded smugly “But if you haven't already looked it up then I'm not going to spoil the surprise of why we're going there. Actually I was hoping you wouldn't...I think you'll like it though.”

Ueda whined “Well now you've got me wanting to look it up...”

Taguchi laughed again “Well don't, we're on our way now...just one really long flight and we'll be there...and then quite a long drive too...the good news though is that because of the time difference, we won't actually lose any time. We'll arrive at roughly the same Canadian time as the Japan time we set off at...like the flight never happened...the bad news is that it works the other way round on the way home, so it'll be as though it's taking us a whole day to get home...”

“That's going to suck...” Ueda said for lack of anything else to say.

“Yeah, sorry about that...I tried to get the best flights I could...but it really can't be helped that the time zones are so different.”

“Yeah...it's not your fault so...”

That seemed to placate Taguchi, and with a grin he turned back to Ueda “We'll have a proper meal once we get there but it will be a while yet so we should probably try and find something to eat first, there's a meal on the flight but you never know how nice those will be...”

Ueda nodded in agreement, and they headed off in search of food. They settled for a small noodle bar and ate their fill before heading through to the departure lounge.

Once on the flight, Taguchi handed Ueda a manga comic with a smirk “You didn't think I'd let you get bored now did you?” and he settled back against his seat with his own DS to occupy the time.

“So what do you have planned for the next few days then?” Ueda asked, closing his book once he'd tired of reading it.

“It's a secret, I'll tell you all about it tonight, but there's something I wanted to show you first and I don't want to ruin the surprise.”

Ueda huffed “You know I can't take surprises...I want to know now.”

Taguchi laughed and patted his hand, and Ueda had to resist leaning over to kiss him, remembering their surroundings.

Their meal was delivered a few hours later, and as expected it was nothing special, but Ueda was hungry and ate it all, before slumping down in his seat to take a nap. The next things he was aware of was Taguchi shaking him gently, whispering into his ear. “Baby, we're just landing now. Wake up.”

It took a while for him to figure out where he was, and then even longer to gather his things together in preparation to leave to plane. His eyes were still a little heavy as they headed off the plane and into the terminal, but the harsh chill all around him woke him up, and Taguchi handed him his thick coat just as he started to shiver.

He didn't understand much of what he saw inside the airport either, everything written in English, and he didn't understand either when Taguchi lead him through the small airport until he found what appeared to be a small shop. He waited outside, looking around at the strange place, and only a few minutes later Taguchi returned, a set of keys jangling in his hand.

“Keys for the hire car” Taguchi explained, and then lead him along to an indoor car-park where he found the car in question. It was really more of a Jeep if Ueda was honest with himself, and he turned sceptically to Taguchi.

“Are you sure you can drive this thing?”

“Sure, I can drive a boat...” Taguchi reasoned.

“This isn't a boat...” Ueda pointed out.

Taguchi's grin widened “No, but I head these babies can handle swamps so it should be fine for where we're going.”

“And where are we going?” Ueda questioned.

“Actually about that...I want it to be a surprise, so for the next hour and a half I want you to wear this blindfold.” Taguchi tried with a grin, and he produced a length of black cloth from his pocket. “Get in the car and I'll put it on.”

Ueda rolled his eyes, but Taguchi was already loading their luggage into the car and then climbing in himself. He let out a sigh and got in, leaning forward to allow Taguchi to fasten the cloth around his head.

For the duration of the journey he lay back and drifted in and out of sleep, listening to the heavy purr of the engine and the crackle of thick snow under the tyres, until finally the car slowed to a stop and Taguchi turned off the engine.

“OK just wait one minute.” Taguchi insisted, and Ueda listened as Taguchi got out walked off somewhere before returning to fetch something from the boot of the car, and then finally he returned to open Ueda's door and help him out of the car.

He took a moment to stretch out his limbs and then he took hold of Taguchi's hand and followed him in the direction he lead.

“Can I take this off yet?” Ueda whined.

“Almost, there's just something I want to show you first.” Taguchi chuckled in response and Ueda heard the sounds of a door opening and closing, the lack of wind signalling that they were now inside some kind of building. “This is our accommodation, it's a little cold right now but we'll light some fires in a little while and get warmed up.”

“I have another idea how we can get warmed up...” Ueda teased.

“Sounds good to me.” Taguchi responded, leading Ueda further “Watch your step, there are some stairs to head up now.”

Ueda did as he was told, carefully lifting his feet enough to climb the steps until Taguchi informed him that they're reached the top. They then crossed another room and there was the sound of a lock clicking open and a door sliding.

The harsh cold hit him again as he took a few steps forward before Taguchi reached out to place his hands on a railing. Taguchi moved in closer, pressing himself into Ueda's back and cuddling close enough to share some warmth. “OK” Taguchi whispered “Now you can look.”


	9. October 30th 2013

He opened his eyes slowly as the material slipped down his face and immediately he gasped.

He blinked his eyes a few times, getting them used to the light, adjusting to the dancing colours in front of him, blue tipped greens and swirls of purple, lighting up the night sky and bouncing back from the glistening snow covering the ground and trees all around them.

“It's beautiful” he managed after a few minutes, his eyes fixed on the shimmering colours in front of him.

“I hoped you would like it” Taguchi whispered, leaning around to kiss at his ear and cheeks.

Ueda dragged his eyes away long enough to turn and face Taguchi, still seeing the colours dancing in Taguchi's eyes. “Thank you.” he whispered back, leaning up and little to wrap his arms around Taguchi's neck and pull him down to kiss his lips.

Taguchi kissed back with force and Ueda, invigorated by the emotion induced from such a sight, kissed back with as much force, pushing himself closer to Taguchi. They both let out soft noises of pleasure as they crushed closer together, the friction warming their bodies in more ways than one, their mouths still caught in a furious embrace of lips and tongues.

Ueda pulled away long enough to look up into Taguchi's eyes, their mixed breath rising in plumes of vapour between their faces, just inches apart. “You're the sweetest person I've ever met Junno, I love you. I love you so much...”

“I love you too baby, you're my everything.” Taguchi whispered back, before leaning in to seal their mouths together again. “Enjoy the view for a little while, then we'll go in and get warmed up.”

Ueda smiled and nodded, turning back around to clutch the railing as the Northern Lights continued to snake through the night sky above him. Taguchi returned to his position too, pressed into Ueda's back, his arms wrapped tightly around him.

Ueda gasped as Taguchi's hands moved over him, slipping under his coat, and then he shuddered as the freezing limbs made contact with the flesh of his stomach. “You're so beautiful” Taguchi murmured into his ear, before nipping at it with his lips, and Ueda's next shudder had nothing to do with the cold.

Taguchi's hand roamed up, baring his skin to the frosty air, but when cold fingers made contact with his sensitive nipple, Ueda didn't have enough mind to care. He let out a long slow breath before inhaling sharply, pushing into Taguchi's touch and then moaning softly as the fingers squeezed and nipped.

“Junno” he whined, arousal taking over him, and he pushed back with his hips, grinding into the hardness he could feel at his back.

Taguchi continued to kiss at his cheeks and neck, but his other hand moved more urgently, fumbling with the buckle of Ueda's belt and tugging down his jeans just far enough to gain access to the growing bulge in his boxers.

His body jerked as Taguchi wasted no time in palming him to hardness, gripping tight around his erection and tugging firmly through the thin cloth.

Ueda's sharp cry of “Junno” was met with a low groan into his ear as Tacguhi pushed forward, seeking his own friction, but just as he was starting to get too worked up, Taguchi's hand disappeared, both of them sliding to his hips to push down his underwear.

It was cold, but Ueda's body was warm, hot even, burning with need to feel more, and he wasn't disappointed when he felt shuffling behind him, a sharp gasp from Tagcuchi, and then he was being encouraged to bend over by a firm hand on his shoulder. Next there were slick fingers on him, massaging between his buttocks, giving him chance to protest if he didn't want it, he suspected.

He just groaned and pushed back, encouraging the fingers further down, closer to where he was craving them, and Taguchi took the hint, slipping two inside at once. Ueda's back arched involuntarily, half in pleasure, half because of the slight burn, but he couldn't deny that the temperature of the fingers inside him was an interesting twist.

Taguchi thrust his fingers a few times quickly, before forcing in a third, and scissoring them a little, and then he was pulling them out, replacing them with something much bigger. Ueda groaned and slumped forward, resting his weight on the railing of the balcony in front of him, pushing his ass back to meet Taguchi's thrusts as the younger man started off slow and deep.

The night was silent but for their heavy breaths and the chilly breeze whistling through the pine trees, the rustle of clothes and a quiet gasp as Taguchi wrapped his arm around Ueda, pulling him closer.

Ueda let out something near a squeak as Taguchi buried his head in Ueda's neck, hot breath tickling him as he kissed the cold flesh with even colder lips, and the next squeak came out more as a muted groan as Taguchi's hand wound it's way around his aching erection, stroking in time with his slow thrusts.

It could have been hours, lost in feeling, the lights continuing to dance in the black sky as Ueda struggled to hold up his head, to hold his eyes open and watch them as his body burned from the inside.

They closed of their own volition a little while later though, as Ueda's release finally took hold of him, making him jerk and shiver in Taguchi's hold. Taguchi followed shortly after, his hand clutching at Ueda's hip, holding him close as he stilled and emptied into him.

They slumped forward together, for a few moments the two of the them just relaxing, watching the Northern Lights until their bodies cooled.

“It's cold.” Taguchi eventually whispered, his hands moving to pull up Ueda's clothes, “Let's get you inside.”

Ueda complied, only pouting a little as Taguchi drew the blinds behind them, blocking the beautiful lights from view. “I need to shower.”

“The bathroom is downstairs again, it's only the bedroom up here” Taguchi told him, and Ueda looked around, taking in the open room, the homely, log cabin feel to it, everything decorated in soft browns and dark reds. It was beautiful. “Come down and take a shower then I'll get something made for dinner.”


	10. November 3rd 2013

The days that followed flew by in a blur, each of them filled from morning to night with adventure activity and intimacy.

They made the most of what little daylight there was each day, spending their time wandering around the quaint little village that was the closest civilisation to their remote cabin, or setting out in the small hours of the morning to drive to various points of interest. On their second day after arriving, they visited a national park, and Ueda experienced for the first time, real wilderness, rapid water, huge waterfalls, all manner of wildlife just meters from their tour party. The scenery was breath-taking, the hunger it ignited inside him even more so, and more than once he and Taguchi ducked away the first chance they got.

Their evenings and nights were filled with passion, plenty of the hot, sensual, burning passion that they felt for each other, but once their desires were sated, conversation flowed freely and just as passionately. They stayed up late into the night, reminiscing about their experiences, the dog-sled ride, the night spent out on the tundra with the dogs and the other tourists, sleeping under the brilliant lights in thick canvas tents, huddled up together for warmth. They reminisced about their experiences before all that, before Yukon, before the tour, the dark days they'd spent alone, sharing with each other for the first time in words how lonely they'd each felt.

Ueda felt closer to Taguchi than he ever had, than he'd ever thought he could, he'd always known Taguchi was someone he could talk to, to be honest with and open to, but never before had he allowed himself to become so emotionally exposed, naked, to another person.

But as dawn broke, almost halfway through their last full day in Yukon, Ueda felt sad. He found himself wanting to express his concerns to Taguchi, but in order to do that he needed to figure out for himself just what they were, what about the end of their trip was causing such unease for him.

He ran himself a bath, and climbed in, letting the hot water wash away all the anxiety, but it brought up in him a different kind of restlessness, a feeling of wasting what time they had in order to be close to each other, uninhibited.

Almost as though he could read his mind, Taguchi entered the bathroom just a few minutes after him. Without a word he stripped to his boxers and leant over Ueda, kissing him softly as his hands tugged and pushed at him, until Ueda was facing the wall, his back to Taguchi, then Taguchi retrieved the stool from in front of the dresser and came to sit behind him, his hands working at Ueda's shoulders to remove the last of the tension.

“What's on your mind?” Taguchi asked, almost airily, but Ueda could hear the concern behind it.

“Nothing.” Ueda lied easily.

“Uepi, you've been so tense the last few hours I'm starting to worry that your eyebrows will knit themselves together that way permanently.”

He hadn't even noticed that his features were so tense, but it was too late, and Taguchi only chuckled when he tried to force them to relax. “I don't know” he sighed eventually.

“Then just tell me how you feel. Right now, what are you feeling?”

“Happy.” Ueda answered, surprising even himself that it was the first word to come out. “Relaxed too, but at the same time I feel...I don't know...I guess scared maybe, or apprehensive.”

“What is there to be scared about?” Taguchi continued, his hands stilling only momentarily on Ueda's shoulders.

“I don't know...that's why it's so frustrating. This trip has been perfect...but I can't help feeling that something is going to happen, that when it's through something is going to change...”

Taguchi let out a small laugh “Change isn't always bad Tatsuya...”

“Then why do I feel so uneasy about it?”

Taguchi didn't answer right away, but when Ueda turned to face him, he smiled lightly. “Maybe you're worried because of the last time...last year when we went away for your birthday, it was perfect then too and then everything fell apart...”

Ueda considered that for a moment, then heaved a sigh and nodded “Yeah, maybe it's partly to do with that.”

Taguchi smiled. “Well there's no need to worry about that happening again right? We're together now, and we're in love and we're OK with that...”

“More than OK with that.” Ueda smiled back.

“More than OK with that” Taguchi agreed “and unless you're opposed to me falling even deeper in love with you, then I don't see what problems that could cause now.”

“I certainly don't have any problem with that” Ueda smirked, leaning forward to place a kiss on the tip of Taguchi's nose.

“Yeah? Then what would your reaction be?” Taguchi pushed lamely, his lips moving to meet Ueda's, pressing against them gently, chastely.

“Kiss you” Ueda murmured, already losing track of his thoughts as he fought to push his tongue through Taguchi's chuckling lips. “Get in here.”

Taguchi didn't protest when Ueda tugged harder on his shoulders, pulling him head first into the hot water, underwear and all, and straight over his own body.

“I love you” Taguchi panted against his lips, and Ueda froze, realising all at once what was wrong.

“Junno” he asked a little anxiously. “We won't drift apart once we get back right? We're both going to be busy with work again...we won't have this kind of time to be together...”

“We'll make time for each other. I lost you once, I'm not going to let you get away again.”

Ueda nodded in agreement, pulling Taguchi back into his mouth, only to be interrupted a few kisses later by a loud beeping outside the room. “What?” he asked in confusion.

“Dinner” Taguchi groaned. “I'm in the middle of preparing it.” He reluctantly pulled himself away and out of the water, wrapping a robe tightly around him before placing a gentle kiss on Ueda's head and leaving the room.

Ueda enjoyed the rest of his bath as much as he could alone, only getting out once Taguchi shouted that their food was almost ready.

He got out and dried off, heading back to the bedroom and pulling on a pair of dark jeans and a smart shirt. Taguchi was dressed in similar attire, dishing out vegetables onto plates at the dining table when he returned downstairs. Taguchi gave him a warm smile and ushered him into his seat before serving the rest of the meal, complete with wine, and then lit a few candles.

They talked lightly as they ate, the soft musical tinkling of the stereo behind them, the lights from the flickering candle interrupted only by the faint dancing colours sweeping in through the open curtains.

“Thank you.” Ueda whispered, his voice filled with the sincerity that he felt tightening in his chest. “Thank you for everything...I don't even know how I can repay you, you always do these sweet, dramatic, and utterly perfect, romantic things...and there's nothing I can do to make it up to you...”

“Just stay with me, that's all I want from you...” Taguchi answered seriously.

“Junno...” Ueda whined, but Taguchi cut him off with a shake of his head.

“I mean it, all I want is to be with you, for the rest of our lives.” He reached his hand somewhere down the side of the table, and returned it a moment later with a small, black, velvet box. He placed it on the table between them, nudging it towards Ueda.

“Junno..?” Ueda gasped, taking the box and opening it to reveal a ring, then he turned his face back up to Taguchi's for an explanation.

“Ueda Tatsuya...will you marry me?”


	11. November 3rd 2013

He watched in silence, his lip caught between his teeth as Ueda's eyes flickered back and forth between his face and the ring, a range of emotions playing out across his face, shock, confusion, happiness, anger, hope, sadness.

Eventually his eyes fixed on the ring, and wordlessly he closed the lid, placing the box back onto the table and nudging it back towards Taguchi. “I'm sorry, I can't accept this.”

He felt all the colour draining from his face, that was not the reaction he'd been anticipating. “That's your answer? No?”

“You think I don't want to?” Ueda asked, a spark of anger in his voice as his eyes raised to look at Taguchi's face. “Junno, we can't get married...”

“Why not?” Taguchi countered, feeling more and more like a spoiled child each second, his lips forming into a pout, tears building up behind his eyes.

“Because it's not legal...” Ueda answered with an almost cold expression.

“Not in Japan...” Taguchi started, but a glare from Ueda cut him off.

“Is that why you brought me here?” he demanded.

“No! I swear” Taguchi answered quickly. “I don't even know if it's legal here either...but there are places we could go...I mean not right now, but in the future we could...”

“What's the point?” Ueda countered. “It wouldn't mean anything back in Japan...”

“But it would mean something to us...” Taguchi argued, Ueda's words cutting wounds through his heart “It would be the two of us, making a commitment to each other...”

“Then lets do that...but why bother calling it marriage? Why bother with the ceremony and the trip? What can I promise you then that I can't right here and right now?”

“It wouldn't be the same...” he argued again, his voice weaker with the threatening tears.

“No it wouldn't, it would mean even less...it would be a fucking joke.”

He tried to hold back a sob as the tears spilled over “It would be important to me...Uepi, how can you say such mean things? How can you be so selfish?”

“I'm being selfish?” Ueda shouted. “You're the one that started this, setting it all up like this, like you're doing me some great honour by taking my hand in fucking marriage...and without even asking me how I would feel about it...”

“I'm asking you now.” Taguchi choked back.

“Fine.” Ueda snapped, standing up from table and looking around as though to steady his nerves “And you have my answer.”

He watched in silence as Ueda stormed away and slammed the bathroom door behind him, and then he sat frozen in place, only sporadic sniffles reminding him he was still alive as he concentrated on the sounds of Ueda readying himself for bed.

It was still early, too early to sleep, but it seemed Ueda had other reasons for running away from him, when Ueda was settled in bed, Taguchi could hear the muffled sound of desperate sobs. He wanted to go to him, to wrap his arms around him and comfort him, but once again he was the cause of their anguish.

He couldn't even understand how, he'd thought long and hard about this decision, and he'd paid attention to Ueda's opinions over the months they'd been together again, he had no reason to suspect Ueda would react so strongly against the idea of marriage. Sure he understood that it wouldn't be recognised legally in Japan, and that their status wouldn't be any different, but they would know, they would make promises to each other and bind themselves together in every way possible to them, and they would know that they had done it, and what it meant. He loved Ueda, and he didn't need some stupid government to recognise that, he just wanted them to be together, and to do what was right by themselves.

It wasn't until hours later that Ueda fell silent, the sobs making way to sniffles, which eased off into sighs, and then eventually nothing, just empty quiet. Taguchi got up from his seat, his own tears drying on his cheeks, and moved around mechanically, clearing away dishes, tidying up the small kitchen.

When he was done he headed into the bathroom to wash his face, and then to the cupboard to drag a thick blanket, taking it over to the sofa with him. He fell asleep almost instantly, but his dreams were a flurry of tormented images, beautiful sunsets, shattered glass, blood, tears, and Ueda sitting wordlessly at the piano, playing that sad song.

It was nearing daylight when he fully woke, exhausted from the overload of emotion, both before and during his sleep. He sat up to find Ueda already dressed, sitting at the table with the little black box in his hands.

“Tatsuya?” he asked gently, just to break the silence. He heard Ueda sniff quietly, but there was no reply, so he got up from the sofa and walked over to join him. “I'm sorry if I offended you.”

Ueda looked up at his face and then back to the ring before placing it back on the table. “I wasn't offended” he answered slowly.

“Then why were you so upset?”

Ueda took a deep breath and looked off to the side, his eyes red with what must have been fresh tears. “Look...can we not? I've had a really incredible time with you the past few days and I don't want to ruin what's left by fighting with you...”

“I don't want to fight either...I just want to understand...” Taguchi pushed.

“We'll talk about it later ok? You should get ready, we still need to go back into town and find a birthday present for Koki.”

He didn't argue the point further, just got up silently and headed into the bathroom to shower.

For the rest of the day he gave Ueda the space that he needed, they spoke, but it was in quiet voices, short clipped sentences, even as they sat down to eat in the cute little restaurant they'd been wanting to visit since they first saw it. Then all too soon they had to head back to the cabin and pack, and then set off back to the airport, back home.

Ueda had been right, something had changed, Taguchi had changed something again, just like the last time. It was all he could do to hope that this time at least the consequences might not be so bad.


	12. November 5th 2013

He spent most of the plane ride sleeping, and some of it pretending to sleep just so that the silence between him and Taguchi wasn't so tense.

It was silent in the taxi too, though Ueda didn't protest when Taguchi slipped his hand across the seat to take hold of his own. He gave Taguchi a sad, almost apologetic smile, and Taguchi returned it, gripping his hand tighter.

“Do you want me to help you inside?” Taguchi asked when they arrived outside Ueda's apartment, but Ueda could feel that there was so much more behind the question, so much more that he wasn't ready to face yet.

“It's ok.” he smiled, shaking his head a little, and then he dragged his suitcase from the boot of the car.

“You're still coming tonight though right?” Taguchi asked a little concerned.

“Of course” he answered, pulling another smile onto his face “I'll see you at Koki's.” and he turned to pick up his bags, waving lightly to Taguchi as the taxi pulled away.

The dogs were excited to see him, Koki had been taking care of them while he was away but they'd clearly missed him. He occupied himself with playing with them for a little while, before heading to the kitchen to find something to eat.

He only had a snack since Koki would probably be having food at his little party, but he needed to do something to distract himself. After eating he went to his gym room to work out a little, and then by the time he'd showered it was time to leave.

It was just a small gathering, their group, a few of their juniors and a few of Koki's private friends, but it was enough people that Ueda had an excuse not to cling to Taguchi all night, after all, nobody outside the band was supposed to know about their relationship.

He had a pretty good time, considering the weight of the thoughts on his mind, Koki got lots of gifts which he adored as usual, they played with Koki's zoo of a pet collection, but then steadily, the number of guests started to decline, each of them dropping out to hit the town, or go home to rest.

“I should head off now too, got the dogs...” Ueda insisted once they were down to their own group again.

“Don't be silly Pomu, they'll be fine, stay for a few drinks.” Koki insisted.

“I'm tired...” Ueda pushed.

“You slept most of the way home Uepi...you can't possibly be tired.” Taguchi tried.

“Junno...please?” he hinted.

Taguchi shrugged “If that's what you want...I guess you don't want me to come with you...”

“Not tonight” he answered with a sigh. “I'll see you tomorrow...”

“Ok” Taguchi conceded “Sure. See you tomorrow.”

It was the same frosty atmosphere once he arrived at their meeting the next day, only this time Taguchi wasn't the only one giving him mournful stares.

“What are you playing at?” Kame hissed at him, dragging him into the hallway as they broke for lunch.

“What?” Ueda asked, only mildly surprised by the confrontation.

“Taguchi told us about what happened...”

Ueda rolled his eyes “How much did he tell you?”

“Well he was pretty reluctant to say anything at all actually, until he broke down in tears...Tacchan, he proposed and you said no!” Kame blurted out.

Ueda clenched his fists but let out a deep breath to cool his temper. “It's not like that...”

“Then what is it like?”

“Not like how it sounds...I don't want to break up with him or anything, but I just don't see the point in getting married when it's not even legal.”

“But you can still do it, in another country or something.”

“That's what he said but what's the point in that?”

“Because it's important to him...it should be important to you too...”

“Well it's not, and I don't see how it's any of your business anyway.” Ueda snapped with finality.

“How can you say that?” Kame almost hissed, his voice quieter but angrier. “I've always had your best interests at heart...I told you all along what would happen, and I stood by you when it did, I even convinced you to go after him at my own expense, at the expense of everything we’ve worked for so how dare you say it's none of my business...”

“I don't want to talk about this alright?” Ueda conceded, his energy leaving him with a puff of breath.

“Well at least talk to him about it OK? He feels like you're rejecting him.”

Ueda nodded “Yeah OK, I will talk to him.”

He headed back into the meeting room after Kame, and clearing his throat quietly turned to face Taguchi. “Junno, could I talk to you for a minute?”

Taguchi's face lit up, his head nodding harder than necessary as he scrambled from his seat and followed Ueda out of the room, Ueda lead him along the hallway to the first empty room he came across, and dragged him inside.

He shut the door behind Taguchi and then went to take a seat at the meeting room table.

“Uepi...what?” Taguchi started, his voice betraying his fear.

“I love you.” Ueda blurted out, turning his eyes up to Taguchi, still standing by the doorway. “You know that right?” Taguchi nodded silently, his expression scared “I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you, I was just surprised, and upset too, and I still haven't even worked everything out in my head, so I'm not ready to talk to you about this yet. All I can tell you right now is that I love you, and that I had an amazing trip with the past few days, and that I don't want this break us apart but I won't marry you, not until they allow it here.”

Taguchi nodded. “I appreciate that, I just don't understand...”

“I promise I will explain to you once I've straightened things out, but give me some time ok? Just until the end of the week?”

“As long as we can still see each other in the mean time...” Taguchi conceded, and Ueda nodded in return.

“Of course.” He got up from his chair and walked slowly over to Taguchi, taking both of his hands in his own “Tell me we're OK? Even if we just stay as we are, is this enough for you?”

Taguchi nodded, but Ueda could see the sadness in his eyes, the way they filled with water even as he smiled and nodded again. “I love you Uepi.”

He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on Taguchi's nose, before resting his head down against Taguchi's shoulder. “Baby.” he pouted. “Tell me again, but call me baby.”

This time he could hear the smile in Taguchi's voice, could feel it on his lips as they pressed into his hair. “I love you baby.”


	13. November 8th 2013

He'd wanted everything to be perfect, after the promise he'd made, he hadn't had chance to see Taguchi once outside of work all week, but they had the whole weekend free of solo activities, so aside from a few meetings and a show recording, they had the weekend to themselves, and Ueda was determined to set things straight before then.

Unfortunately, his day hadn't been so free that day, the recording he'd had ran over so he didn't have time to set up the romantic dinner he'd planned. After he'd showered and dressed, he didn't even have time to dish the takeout he'd ordered onto plates before Taguchi arrived.

“For the record...I had something much grander planned” Ueda insisted as he pushed the carton of food into Taguchi's hand, the wooden chopsticks sticking unceremoniously from the top.

Taguchi just laughed “It's fine, I prefer the homely kind of date, dog hair carpets and all.”

Ueda raised an unimpressed eyebrow “Well I was going to vacuum too, but yeah...”

“Uepi it's fine, really” Taguchi smiled, leaning in to place a kiss on Ueda's forehead, before making himself at home in front of the TV.

They watched whatever drama was on as they ate, but once they were finished, Taguchi switched off the TV and turned his attention to Ueda, looking at him expectantly.

“I've been thinking a lot over the last few days.” Ueda started. “About all we've been through, and how much we've fought for what we have now, and how perfect things are the way they are.”

“But...” Taguchi interrupted impatiently.

“And I won't 'marry' you.” Ueda finished.

“Then it's not open to discussion?”

“No.” Ueda said with a shake of his head.

“Then you're being as selfish as you accused me of being...I don't see why it's OK for you to make this decision without us at least discussing it, but if I try and be romantic then I'm being selfish...”

“I shouldn't have said that to you before, and I appreciate that you want to do something romantic...but I don't think that marriage is what we should be thinking about...”

“Why not.” Taguchi argued.

“Because...it won't mean anything.”

“Uepi” Taguchi frowned “You keep saying that but if it's important to us then doesn't that mean enough?”

“Junno.” he sighed. “We knew when we started this that there would be certain things that we would have to give up right? For legal and physical reasons...we knew that, and we accepted that right? It just feels to me as though, trying to duck under the law, or find loopholes or whatever...it feels like we're cheapening that...even if we're talking about marriage, it still seems like cheapening that commitment.”

“That's not how it feels to me...I think that it doesn't matter who witnesses it, or where it is, what matters is the words we say, and the bond that we understand we're making with each other...”

“If the who and where doesn't matter then why not just do it right now...why do we need the ceremony and the piece of paper...”

“Because it would be official...”

“It wouldn't be official Junno!” he retorted, his exasperation showing in his voice. “It wouldn't be a legal document...the oaths wouldn't be legally binding...”

“They would be when we made them...in that moment...when we stand at that alter...it would be real...it would be official, and legal...Uepi I want more than just the words...I want it to be real...”

“Well it won't be real to me...not until our own nation accepts it.”

Taguchi let out a frustrated noise “Can't you even consider it? For me? Even if it means nothing to you, can you try to understand how important it is to me?”

“I understand.” Ueda assured him. “And I do feel bad for not being able to give you what you want...but I won't...”

“Why not?” Taguchi argued back, his voice louder with his rising emotion “If like you say, you know that it won't mean anything afterwards, and if it won't change anything the way you see it, then why are you so against it?”

“Because it will be different, because I'll know that we tried to do what we couldn't...Junno I like things the way they are now, what we have is special, and unique, and I don't want to try and force our relationship into a role that it shouldn't fit into...we can't get married...so why are you so desperate to pretend?”

“I don't see it as pretending...”

“Well I do...and I won't do it...” Ueda said with finality.

“So that's it?” Taguchi asked angrily. “That's you final word on the matter?”

“Yes.” he answered surely. Taguchi bit at his lip a little bit, but he made no other response, and as the minutes of silence dragged on, Ueda felt increasingly more uncomfortable. Eventually he had to break the silence. “Junno, don't be mad at me...I already said that I didn't want to break up with you...I just can't marry you...and I mean think about it...even if it were legal here, what kind of a marriage would we have? We can't live together...it wouldn't take reporters long to figure it out, a bribe here and there...they could get hold of a copy of our lease...it could ruin us...”

Taguchi pouted a little “What if we just moved into the same building, we could keep separate apartments and we'd be less likely to get caught sneaking over to see each other...I mean if we're going to keep this up then we'd have to think of something like that eventually.

The idea itself wasn't so bad, he supposed, it would certainly be less risky. “OK, I'll give you that one...it's a pretty sensible idea...but still...what about all the other stuff married couples are supposed to enjoy...dinner parties and joint back accounts and whatever...we can't even tell anyone we're together...think how your mum would feel if she found out you went and got married without telling her...”

The last one seemed to get through to Taguchi a little. “I still want to...”

Ueda couldn't help but laugh “You're so pushy.”

Taguchi's face twitched up into a reluctant smile too “Well you're so stubborn...”

“It's that unstoppable force and immovable object argument...”

Taguchi laughed, bowing his head in concession “So how does that story end?”

Ueda smirked a little “I'm pretty sure they agree to drop the subject for now, shut the dogs away in the kitchen and then go have make-up sex...”

“Sounds like a good ending to me” Taguchi smirked back, already on his feet and ushering the dogs away. Once they were safely shut away, he went back to take Ueda's hand, pulling him to his feet and along the hallway to the bedroom. “Hey, if you're the unmoving one...does that mean I get to top?”


	14. November 29th 2013

They weren't fights that they'd been having, not really, but Ueda couldn't ignore the rising tension between them as the weeks passed. He'd meant to at least make Taguchi's birthday special, but as he glanced at the clock he realised he'd already screwed that up.

He'd set an alarm early so that he could get up and make breakfast for Taguchi, but he'd slept through it, and the absence of said man in the bed beside him indicated that Taguchi was already awake and had probably already made his own breakfast.

He got up groggily and went to the bathroom before wandering along to the kitchen where, sure enough, Taguchi was already up and dressed, scanning through the paper with his glasses sitting cutely on his nose.

“Happy Birthday.” Ueda greeted him with a half smile. “I'm sorry I slept in, you should have woken me.”

Taguchi shook his head softly “That's OK, we've been busy, you needed to rest.”

“Well you should be resting too...it's your birthday...I was going to do this whole breakfast in bed thing...

Taguchi smiled warmly “Well I appreciate the thought, but it's not necessary.”

“At least let me do something nice for you...we have a few hours before work, tell me what you want to do, I'll take you anywhere...”

Taguchi glanced back down at the paper in his hand, his lip held tentatively between his teeth. “Anywhere?”

“Anywhere” Ueda repeated.

Taguchi picked up the pen beside him and drew a large circle on the paper before holding it up to show Ueda. “I want to go here.”

He had to shuffle closer, and then steal the glasses from Taguchi's face to be able to read it, but when he could he froze even at the first two words 'Studio Apartment'. “Junno...” he started awkwardly.

“Before you say anything just read it...” Taguchi pleaded.

He gave it a quick scan through, he knew it wouldn't change his mind but the look on Taguchi's face was too cute to deny. It stated there was a studio apartment for rent, the kitchen, bathroom and main living area were communal but then the sleeping areas were almost like separate units. Ueda still couldn't see how it was suitable. “Junno...” he tried again.

“Uepi...just think about it, it wouldn't even be like we were living together...it's all separate and stuff, just the facilities and stuff are shared...”

“Junno, that's not the point though...to anyone on the outside it still looks as though we're living together...even if we know that everything is separate...it's not like we can just invite all the paparazzi inside to prove it to them. It will still look as though we're moving in together and there's no way we can explain that...”

“Can't we even just go look? For all we know there might be separate entrances...then it would just look like we live next to each other...”

“That still looks too suspicious...we both just happen to move into new apartments at the same time, that just happen to be next to each other...and there's no ulterior motive?” Ueda argued back.

“Who do you think is going to look into it that closely?” Taguchi protested. “I don't know why you're so worried about paparazzi following us home anyway...”

“They followed you and that girl didn't they?”

“That was different, we were in a drama together, it was odd for us to be suddenly going out together so much, going back to her hotel...but me and you have been in the same band for ten years, it's only natural that we're friends...why would anyone even bother to follow us if we were seen together?”

“Fans would...”

“And they're going to print articles about it in the newspapers?”

“Junno!” was all he could think to say in his frustration. “We have to be careful, very careful...if anyone finds out about our relationship...”

“Yeah well what's the point in even having one if you're too scared about people finding out to even enjoy it?” Taguchi snapped back, and Ueda had no reply to that. “I'm going home, am I OK to use the front door, or would you prefer I use the fire escape in case there's a fucking surveillance team waiting out there?”

Ueda didn't even bother to dignify that with an answer, instead he took Taguchi's glasses from his face and placed them on the table before sitting back with his arms folded, trying to control his own temper.

It wasn't until the door slammed behind Taguchi, just a few minutes later, that he let out a long breath and banged his fist against the table to let out a little of the tension.

He sat for a few more minutes, running over the conversation in his head, finding no other way he could have made Taguchi understand.

He gave Taguchi a little space to calm down, going to do a little workout himself and then shower to ease his own frustrations, but when he called Taguchi to apologise he was met with more coldness.

“Junno, I'm sorry for being so snappy about it, can't you just come home and we'll talk about it?”

“I have work” Taguchi answered flatly.

“Junno, come on...don't be like this.”

“I'm not being like anything.” Taguchi argued. “I just don't see the point in talking about it, it'll be exactly the same as every other argument we have, neither of us will see the other's point of view on the situation, we'll just both keep on being stubborn and insistent until we get angry and start shouting at each other, then you'll put your foot down and get things the way you want them anyway.”

“I don't always get my way...” he countered.

“Yes, you do Uepi, you always make the big decisions regarding our relationship, and I just go along with whatever you want whether I agree or not, the only other option is pointless arguments and I don't want to argue with you Uepi, especially not today.” he heard Taguchi's puff of exasperated breath even through the phone. “I'm going to my mums straight from work, I'll see you tomorrow.” and then the line went dead.

It didn't take longer than that one night apart for Taguchi's attitude to change, or for Ueda's to either. The next day when Taguchi entered the meeting room, they rushed towards each other, neither one of them needing to say anything as they wrapped their arms around each other.

Kame coughed somewhere over to the side of them, and while it was enough to break them from their moment and realise where they were, it wasn't enough to distract them from each other completely.

“I'm sorry for saying those things Uepi, I don't think you're controlling or anything...you're just more stubborn than me...” Taguchi apologised.

“I am” Ueda agreed “And I'm sorry for being so stubborn. I promise I'll be more open about things from now on...and if you want to go look at flats then, I guess it can't hurt to look...”

There was genuine gratitude shining from Taguchi's eyes as he replied “Thank you Uepi...I promise I won't rush you....” he leaned in for a quick kiss, that Taguchi returned with twice the force.

“Let's go out tonight OK? I didn't get to treat you for your birthday...”

“I'd rather stay in.” Taguchi replied with an almost impish grin.

“Great.” Kame cut in, his tone unamused “Now that's sorted out...can we get back to work?”


	15. February 1st 2014

Ueda had stuck to his side of the bargain, over the past two months they'd been to look at six different apartments, but each of them Ueda found some problem with, despite Taguchi's best efforts each time to find something without all of the problems of the previous ones.

They went under the pretence of finding a new apartment for Ueda, so as not to rouse any suspicion from the property management. And while he always did his best to look at them objectively, as soon as he and Taguchi were alone again, he found plenty of reason to refuse.

The first didn't allow pets so of course it was refused immediately, the second he thought was too small, the third not in a good location.

The fourth had been rather nice, and had it been for Ueda alone he probably would have liked it, but as they were both moving in together there were other conditions Ueda was insisting on, there had to be at least two separate entrances so that if they were followed, they could split up and it wouldn't seem as though one was following the other, and they could claim they just lived in different places in the same building. In fact, if he'd had it his way they would have found a building with two apartments for rent at the same time, so that if anyone looked into it, there would be two separate leases for two separate apartments, but Taguchi had eventually convinced him that it wouldn't be worth the extra hassle or expense.

The fifth apartment he hadn't liked all that much at all, but since it was approaching Christmas at the time, Taguchi had been extra pushy in the hopes that they could be moved in together in time for Christmas. As hard as it was to deny Taguchi's pouting, Ueda still refused, and he didn't hear the end of it the whole duration of the Christmas period.

The sixth they had just been to look at, and while it was nice enough, Ueda was still trying to think of flaws as they re-entered Taguchi's apartment to discuss it.

“There was nothing wrong with that one...” Taguchi insisted.

“It comes with an allotted car parking space though...we have two cars...” he countered.

“There was a few spaces for visitors too, I could park there...”

“But there were only a few, what if you couldn't find a space...it's no good if you can't even park when you get home...”

“There was plenty of street parking a few streets away...I saw it on the drive there.” Taguchi argued back.

“Yeah but...parking on the street...and I wouldn't want to leave my car a few streets away” Ueda answered with his nose wrinkled.

“You wouldn't have too, I would park my mini on the street, your car would be plenty safe enough in the car park and then if anything happens to mine, it's my problem...”

“Is it really worth the risk though...I mean we don't know much about the neighbourhood...”

“Is it worth it? Parking my car out of my line of sight so that I get to move in with you?”

He was saved the struggle of finding another argument by Taguchi's phone ringing. He would have thought nothing of it, if not for the guilty look Taguchi flashed him before leaving the room to answer it.

“What was that about?” he asked as Taguchi took his seat again.

“That was Mayuko-chan.” he replied, his face tense as waited for Ueda's response. “She's back in Tokyo...and she wanted a favour...”

His eyebrows knotted together in mix of confusion and anger. “What does she want from you now?”

Taguchi swallowed noticeably, his face looking even more guilty. “She said that it's a huge and really important favour and she didn't want to ask over the phone...she's coming over for coffee in about two hours...”

He couldn't hold back his temper any more “She's coming here? Why didn't you just refuse...or at least meet her somewhere not so private...”

“I suggested a coffee shop first...” Taguchi said in defence “but she said that it wouldn't be good for us to be spotted together...think about it Uepi...it wouldn't be good right, after all the rumours before, we can't blame it on drama rehearsals now...”

“Then just don't see her” Ueda huffed, his arms folding across his chest.

“Uepi...she's my friend.”

“I haven't forgotten...and I certainly haven't forgotten about the things you got up to despite her being just a friend.” Ueda snapped back.

“Do you really think I would cheat on you?” Taguchi asked, his lips twitching involuntarily into a smile “You're not still jealous surely...”

“I trust you.” Ueda pouted “I just don't trust her...inviting herself over here, all alone, asking for favours...”

Taguchi laughed a little “You're so cute when you're jealous. And besides, we don't have to be alone, I told her you were here and she said that was fine...”

Ueda's face lightened, but only a fraction. “Well then I'll stay...but I won't be happy about it.”

Two hours later, when there was a quiet knock at the door, he still wasn't happy about it. He followed Taguchi to the genkan, a teacup clutched in his hands to prevent them from curling into fists.

He couldn't see her around Taguchi's back, but he was rather grateful for that, the last time he'd seen her she'd been wrapped in one of Taguchi's towels, dripping wet from the shower just metres from where they were now stood, and he was dreading the feelings he'd felt then rising back up when he saw her face again.

“Mayu-chan” Taguchi greeted her, pulling her in for a hug, and Ueda turned his head away. “You didn't tell me you were pregnant, congratulations.”

His head whipped back around just in time for Taguchi to take a step back, and Ueda's eyes flew to the huge bulge at her stomach. The tea-cup fell from his hands before his mind had even fully formed the thought, and then before he had time to question it Mayuko responded.

“That's kind of what I wanted to see you about...”


	16. February 1st 2014

He froze, the seconds ticking past as he struggled to form the thought that was right on the edge of his realisation.

There was a loud tut from behind him, and Ueda pushed past him “Don't just leave your guest in the doorway. Come in, sit down.

He felt when Mayuko walked past him, Ueda taking her hand to lead her into the apartment, and when he finally worked out how to move his limbs to follow, Mayuko was already sitting on the sofa.

“Oolong tea, thank you.” she was saying, and that was just one more thing to confuse him, until Ueda brushed past him and into the kitchen, the sounds of cupboard doors opening. “Guchi?” Mayuko asked, her voice calling his attention back onto her, but his eyes slipped straight from her face to her stomach as his own gave a lurch.

“I don't understand...” he choked out after another long moment of silence, long enough it seemed for Ueda to boil the kettle and pour three cups of tea.

“What's not to understand?” Ueda asked calmly as he brushed past with the cups of tea, and then he took a seat on the beanbag beside the sofa. “Are you going to sit down and talk to her?”

Taguchi nodded, the motion seeming to finally snap him from his daze and he hurried to sit beside Mayuko on the sofa. “Is it...mine?” he had to ask.

“I don't know.” she answered quietly “Not 100%, I've been arguing with myself for months about even involving you at all, but I need to know...”

“How can you not know?” Ueda piped in, his disapproval clear in his tone.

Mayuko turned her attention to Ueda “While I was sleeping with Guchi, there was someone else too...not at first, but for a while I was with them both...and the dates...”

“Then there is a chance that it's mine?”

“It's most likely...the dates they gave me, I couldn't even say for sure that I had slept with him then, but there's a chance, and part of me wants to know for sure...” she replied, her voice almost pleading. “The favour that I need from you...Guchi, will you take a paternity test when the baby is born?”

He didn't know how to answer, he still couldn't get used to the idea that he had possibly fathered a baby, to know for sure would be something different entirely, what would happen then, what if he had?

“Why can't you ask the other guy?” Ueda asked before he got chance to say anything.

Mayuko's expression deflated “I don't want to have anything to do with him if I can help it. If it's his of course I'll tell him, but...things ended badly between us, I don't want to give him any kind of invitation back into my life unless I have to.”

“So you just thought you'd push your way back into Junno's?”

“I'll do it.” Taguchi answered, before either of them got chance to speak again.

“What?” Ueda asked a little angrily. “We're not even going to discuss this?”

“What is there to discuss?” Taguchi asked back “Now that I know there's a chance I can't just ignore it...I need to know too...”

Ueda looked as though he was about to argue, but he let out the breath that he was holding “Yeah I guess you're right...”

“Thank you.” Mayuko said, reminding them both that she was still there. “Thank you so much...I know that this was so sudden and that I have no right to ask you for anything...thank you.”

“So what happens if it's his?” Ueda asked, and Taguchi flinched a little at the idea of it, of voicing it so suddenly.

“Nothing.” Mayuko insisted “I made the decision to keep it by myself, and I can raise it on my own just fine, I don't need any financial support and I swear I won't ask him to have anything to do with it's life. I just want to know...and then I'll stay away from you both...”

“And what if he wants to?” Ueda interrupted. “If it is his child then he has the right to be part of it's life if he wants to right?”

Mayuko turned from him to Ueda to him, her face confused “If that was what he wanted...”

“Well I don't know what I want right now...I mean it might not even come to that, if it's not mine then there's no point in thinking about that kind of thing right?” he answered, scenes of day trips and playing at the park already running around in his mind, a small hand clasped in his own. “When can we do this?”

“I'm due next month...I'm staying in Tokyo with my parents until then, and giving birth in a private hospital, they can get the DNA as soon as the baby is born and run the tests in the hospital, so we could know within a few days of it being born...”

“That would be for the best right?” Ueda asked “I mean it's easier for everyone involved if we just find out as soon as possible right?

“Yeah” Taguchi agreed, “I could come to the hospital when it's born and get it sorted straight away.”

Mayuko nodded “I think that would be best too.”

They finished their tea in relative silence, Mayuko inquiring sporadically about their work, and Taguchi asking what she's been doing in return, and then Mayuko stood to leave.

“Take care of yourself OK?” Taguchi asked as he lead her to the door. “And if you need anything, anything at all, I'm still your friend whether it's mine or not, so you can call OK?”

“Thank you, I should be fine, my parents are helping me out, but it's sweet of you to offer.” she replied, and she slipped her sandals back on at the genkan before pulling Taguchi in for another hug, and then leaving.

“Well...that was...” Taguchi started, rubbing at his head with his hand as he turned back into the apartment, but the rest of his words died on his tongue at the look on Ueda's face. There were silent tears streaming down his cheeks and his expression was a cruel mix of anger and desperation. Without a word Ueda turned and stormed towards the bedroom.


	17. February 1st 2014

He slammed the door behind him, and paced along the side of the bed a few times, arms folded defensively across his chest, until the door opened behind him. He grabbed for the first thing within his reach, thankfully just a cushion from the bed and threw it as hard as he could in Taguchi's direction.

“Baby...” Taguchi started, but Ueda cut him off with another cushion, this one hitting him in the face.

“You asshole.” he shouted, the almost choked tone of his voice surprising even himself. “You fucking, sleazy, fucking asshole.” He threw the last of the cushions in his frustration at not even being able to find the words to hurt Taguchi as deeply as he felt, and then he reached for the next closest thing, the glass picture frame on the nightstand.

Taguchi didn't even flinch as it struck his arm on it's way to the wall behind him, the sound of smashing glass echoing after it, he just stood calmly as Ueda picked up the next thing. The alarm clock got a reaction from him, but just a slight pained hiss as it connected with his knee, his bad knee, Ueda thought a little smugly.

“Uepi...” Taguchi tried again “I get that you're mad.”

“Mad?” Ueda snorted, the sound something hysterical due to the sobs still working their way up from his chest. “I'm fucking disgusted with you”. Taguchi didn't respond, but that only fuelled Ueda on even more. “You're a dirty, stupid, selfish, idiotic, asshole.”

“It's a shock to me too...”

“How could it be?” Ueda snapped. “You must have known what you were doing...the whole time you were fucking her and you didn't even use protection?”

He could see that Taguchi didn't have a reasonable explanation to that “Ok.” Taguchi admitted “So not every time, but I didn't think this would happen...”

“It's not just about this, what about infections and shit...didn't you even stop to think what you might be passing on to me?” he snapped louder, feeling his skin crawl at the thought of Taguchi being inside him after doing it to her.

“I trust her” Taguchi explained “She's not like that...”

“Well she obviously is if she was having unprotected sex with two different men at the same time...who the fuck is the other guy anyway...he could be riddled with disease for all we know...”

Taguchi let out a defeated breath “Yeah...I guess. Uepi I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put you at risk like that...but we could go together to get tested...”

Ueda snorted “How romantic.”

“I'm trying OK? I didn't ask for this...” Taguchi started, but Ueda cut him off with a glare “Well OK, yeah...I could have been more careful...but I didn't want this to happen, but it did and there's nothing we can do but wait and see if it's even mine...and I don't want you to be angry at me until then so can we just talk about this?”

“I don't want to talk to you right now. Junno, I don't even want to look at you right now, I feel sick just thinking...” he shook his head, trying get the images out of his mind. He knew they'd had sex, he'd been well aware of that, but with this new development he was struggling to keep the images out of his mind, of Taguchi inside her, if he'd been holding her tight as he climaxed, body shuddering, ejaculating deep inside her, his release dripping out of her the way it did from him.

He shook his head again, but one look at Taguchi only brought back the images, his face contorted in pleasure as he rested his head against hers. It made him angry, and he held on to that in favour of the other emotion, the deep, throbbing pain in his chest whenever he let the reality of it sink in, that it wasn't just about the sex, it was about more, no matter what Taguchi said, if that baby was his then Taguchi would always be more than her friend, he'd be the father of her baby, one of the few things he could never be to Ueda.

“I'm going home.” he said, the words sounding sudden in his own ears after the silence, and he moved forwards towards the door, knocking into Taguchi's shoulder as he tried to pass, only to be gripped by the arm and held in place.

“Don't...” Taguchi started.

“Let me go!” he commanded, his voice louder than he'd meant, and he tugged at his arm to free himself.

“No.” Taguchi replied, just as stubbornly, gripping his arm tighter. “You're upset, it would be dangerous for you to drive like this. I can understand you being upset and if you need to shout and scream at me, hit me if you want...then do it and get it out of your system before you get in that car...”

He stopped still, his heart fighting his head as he tried to hold onto the shield of anger. “You think I won't?”

“It doesn't matter” Taguchi shrugged “Do what you want, as long as I know you're safe.”

He pulled his arm free and took a step closer, challenging. “You think I won't hurt you?”

“I've hurt you.” Taguchi said with another shrug, and Ueda nodded, his eyes turning blurry again as fear and pain threatened once more.

He lashed out, pounding the end of his fist against Taguchi's chest once, and then again with the other and again, until he found himself sobbing, his hands now grabbing at Taguchi's shoulders, grasping onto him desperately, before finally grabbing his neck and pulling him down into a kiss that was more desperate clashes of lips than anything.

He couldn't say how long it lasted, each second dragging on, deepening his need, pushing him harder into the kiss, until his mind finally found enough lucidity to pull away. He stayed close, his arms still clasped around Taguchi's shoulders.

“I love you.” Taguchi whispered into his ear, and he couldn't meet Taguchi's eyes as he replied.

“I love you too...but if that baby is yours...I don't know if I can still feel this way...”


	18. February 12th 2014

It wasn't even two weeks later that he got the call, Mayuko's tired yet delighted voice telling him that just a few hours ago, her baby girl had been born.

When he arrived at work only an hour later, he didn't need to tell Ueda. His expression must have been clear enough when Ueda nodded sombrely at his approach “We'll go after work, I'll come with you.”

“Thank you.” he said with a small smile, reaching out to squeeze Ueda's hand gently in his, before letting it go and retreating to the other side of the room, giving Ueda the space he'd seemed to be needing since they found out about Mayuko's pregnancy.

It was the most tense the relationship between them had been while actually together, they didn't fight though, on the contrary, they didn't do much at all. Taguchi had only even seen his boyfriend outside of work on two separate occasions, both in relation to the STD tests they had done, and on both he'd been asked to go home at the end of the day. The distance was killing him, but he tried to be understanding for Ueda's sake, the last thing he wanted to do was push him even further away.

As promised, Ueda accompanied him to the hospital that evening, though he hung back a little from Taguchi as they made their way to Mayuko's private room, and then he sat rigidly in the chair furthest away as Taguchi greeted the new mother with smiles and hugs.

He only froze a little as Mayuko retreated the the end of her bed and picked up the small bundle of blankets from the make-shift crib there, and then moved back to sit in her bed.

“Her name is Shizuka” Mayuko announced, looking down proudly as she moved the blankets aside so that Taguchi could see her clearly. He automatically scanned her features, looking for his own, but the face was so small and delicate, so much like Mayuko's that it was hard to tell anything else. “Do you want to hold her?”

He glanced briefly at Ueda who was staring off out of the window and then nodded, holding out his arms to receive the tiny child.

It was a strange kind of excitement he felt as he held her gently, the kind that is as much prickling fear as it is happiness, but there was no denying that in that moment, he wanted her to be his. He wanted to keep holding her forever, marvelling at the tiny hands, at the soft brown eyes that flickered open and held his gaze.

He was too absorbed with the baby in his arms to notice much else around him, or even how much time passed as he rocked her gently. Mayuko’s voice behind him surprised him a little when eventually she spoke, only quietly and questioning “Ueda-kun, you’re welcome to hold her too, if you’d like.”

When he turned he expected to find Ueda’s expression still cold and stony, but what he saw instead made his heart ache a little, Ueda was now only a little way behind him, a small smile on his face as he peered around Taguchi’s torso.

He smoothed his expression in time for Ueda to look up to his face, both nervous and unsure, but Taguchi nodded and gently passed the fragile bundle to his boyfriend.

If he’d been mesmerized before, it was nothing to how he felt as he watched Ueda, his expression soft and doting as he swayed the baby softly and whispered coos down to her. It was like watching a dream, everything he wanted and had known was impossible was playing out before his eyes, and even the slight regret in Ueda’s expression as he glanced up to Taguchi, couldn’t make him want anything other than this.

A doctor came along shortly to collect his DNA, just a simple swab of his cheek, over in seconds, but Taguchi could feel the weight of the results already pressing down on him.

They stayed a little longer, talking about the birth, about what Mayuko planned to do when she left the hospital the next day, all of them tiptoeing around the questions they’d have to answer if Shizuka was his.

“You’re so good with her” Mayuko smiled, glancing down at her child, sleeping peacefully once again in Taguchi’s arms. “When my dad tried to hold her earlier she screamed her little face red. Maybe you’re both just naturals.”

Ueda snorted from beside him “Must be the first thing he’s a natural at.”

“Shut up, I’m great with kids.” Taguchi reprimanded, and then he continued “I’d make an excellent father.” Which effectively killed that conversation.

“Maybe we should get going now.” Ueda said, his voice a little reluctant, but with a little discomfort sneaking in too.

Taguchi really couldn't have hoped for it to go any better, and figured it probably was best to quit while they're ahead. He nodded slowly, and handed the baby back to Mayuko, whose face lit up with a glowing smile. “Thank you for coming by, and for the tests and stuff...it means a lot to me, and I know it will to Shizuka too.” Taguchi just nodded again, not able to find words to express everything that the experience had made him feel, and silently, he and Ueda left the room.

Ueda didn't say a word as they climbed back into Taguchi's mini and he drove them in the direction of his own apartment, which Taguchi took to be his consent to go home with him for a little while.

Once inside the apartment Taguchi locked the door and followed Ueda who went straight through to his bedroom. “Uepi...” he started when Ueda just turned to look at him. “We should talk about...”

Ueda cut him off with a shake of his head. “Let's not talk OK?” and he took a small step forward, watching Taguchi's face almost warily, before taking another larger step to place himself in Taguchi's personal space.

He leaned up slowly, placing a soft kiss on Taguchi's lips, then another, pressing harder until Taguchi's arms came up around him and he kissed back. It was just a kiss, slow and sensual with only the lightest touch of tongues but it lit Taguchi's body from head to toe with tingles.

Ueda's hands were just as soft on his back, running up under his shirt, his palms pressing into Taguchi's shoulders to pull him closer. Taguchi didn't want to push it, it was the most physical contact they'd had in weeks, but he couldn't help the soft whines in his throat, crying out his desperation for more.

After what seemed like an eternity, Ueda pulled away, his lips red and inviting, his eyes deep, locking onto Taguchi's, almost questioning, as his hands moved lower and gripped the bottom of his shirt.

Taguchi complied more than willingly, raising his arms for Ueda to pull it over his head before doing the same to him, running his hands along the smooth, muscular flesh of his sides. The sight alone was enough to have him moaning, Ueda's perfect, sculpted body, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, his eyes, still locked onto Taguchi's with such innocent hesitation that Taguchi wanted nothing more than to lay him down and make him forget everything but the two of them, but he couldn't push.

It was agony, the seconds dragging on, that expression bearing into him as Ueda's hands wandered almost aimlessly across his chest and stomach before finally dropping to his belt. He opened it slowly, then dragged both his trousers and boxers down to mid thigh, his hands retreating then to stroke gently across his hips and thighs.

He leaned up gently again, his eyes flickering shut as he kissed Taguchi slowly, his hands roaming back up to his shoulders to help steer him as he nudged him back towards the bed, and then down onto it.

Once he was laid down, Taguchi shuffled up to the centre of the bed, shimmying out of his clothes on the way, and then waited as patiently as he could while Ueda stripped out of his own clothes and reached into the bed side table for the tube of lube. Then finally Ueda climbed onto the bed after him, moving up to straddle his hips.

Taguchi could feel Ueda's cock, already hard against his as the older man leant down to kiss him again, still as slow and mind-numbingly tingly, as his body started to rock down slowly. It felt like heaven and torture all at once, the sensations so agonisingly pleasurable that Taguchi needed more and yet felt paralysed with how intense it already was.

He didn't even notice when Ueda's hand reached out to the side, but he heard the snap of the lid as Ueda squeezed lube into his hand and moved it back between them, coating Taguchi's erection liberally in the cool, slick fluid.

Once he was satisfied he was slick enough, Ueda lifted his hips, shuffling his weight onto his knees so that he could hold Taguchi's erection steady with one hand as he slowly slipped down onto it. The constriction around him knocked Taguchi's breath from his lungs, it felt impossibly tight, the pressure increasing almost painfully each time Ueda's muscles clenched around him.

He lifted a shaky hand to clasp Ueda's, resting on his thigh as he caught his breath, squeezing it harder as the urge to move became almost unbearable, until finally, Ueda started to rock. He strained to keep his eyes open, locked with Ueda's, until he was sure that the other man was OK, and then he let his eyes slip shut and leant his head back, revelling in just the feeling of their bodies connecting.

Everything inside him was screaming to go faster, to chase the release he could almost taste, but he just tightened his grip on Ueda's thighs, forcing his body to relax and just enjoy the slow ride Ueda was giving him.

It seemed to last hours, and he couldn't help the way his body began to writhe as he got closer and closer to release, he wrenched his eyes open to take in Ueda's form, leaning back, his eyes clenched tight, his hips rolling slowly, precome leaking from the tip of his twitching erection where it stood out from his body.

He snaked his hand slowly up from Ueda's thigh, but before he reached the hardened muscle, his hand was intercepted and pushed bac down to the sheets by his shoulder as Ueda flopped forward, his legs spreading wider as he leant down as far as he could to lock their lips together.

With his mouth held open by Ueda's exploring tongue, Taguchi couldn't hold back his moans, and each one was echoed by one of Ueda's, their combined noises only taking him higher.

He'd been good, and it had been intense but he couldn't ignore the trails of fire licking through his veins any more, and with another loud moan he grabbed Ueda's ass in both hands, pulling his hips down in slow counter-rhythm to his own snapping up

Ueda wailed into his mouth, dragging it away from his to press into his throat as he wailed again, and then again.

The only warning he got was a few short, sharp gasps from Ueda, and then the walls around him grew impossibly tighter, squeezing the last of his coherency from him as a sudden rush of pleasure swept through him, over and over until he couldn't even move.

By the time he could open his eyes again, Ueda was pulling slowly away, but he only went far enough to let Taguchi slide from his body, and to reach the blanket on the end of the bed, once he'd pulled it up he curled up against Taguchi's side, resting his head in the crook of his neck.

“Uepi...” he started quietly, but Ueda quietened him with a gentle 'shh' and together they drifted off to sleep.


	19. February 14th 2014

Their Valentine's dinner lay forgotten on the table in front of him. His mouth was suddenly dry but Ueda didn't trust himself to pick up his glass. His hands were shaking. There was nothing for him to do but watch Taguchi as he paced slowly at the other side of the room, just wait for the phonecall to end.

“I see. That's...” Taguchi paused “That...thank you for letting me know. Would it be ok for me to call you tomorrow?”

Silence. Waiting. It felt like a tight-wire walk, as it had for the past...had it only been a day, a day and a half? He felt poised, careful, fighting to keep the balance between them, the balance for calm inside him, but feeling like every moment he could fall. And he would, he knew. Regardless of the outcome there was so much to lose. Part of him wanted to remain there, balanced and unknowing, but every second drew him nearer to that fall, to the end of the phone call, to the change of everything.

Taguchi put his phone down, Ueda watched it's path from his ear to his side, his hands were shaking too. When his eyes finally found Taguchi's face it looked torn, his expression distraught, and Ueda still couldn't discern any answer from it.

His eyes turned blurry, burning, fiery paths left down his cheeks as he stared straight ahead, swallowing thickly.

Eventually Taguchi shook his head, the sigh that left him afterwards seeming to deflate him completely. His eyes looked dull, distant, the only light in them the reflection of the candles in the welling tears. “She's not mine.”

He fell. But for a moment he felt suspended, like his body was weightless, numb, and then the heavy tears rolling down Taguchi's face brought him crashing back down to reality.

It was too much, all the feelings he'd been gathering up, pushing down, trying not to feel. Everything hit him all at once, the pain, the anger, the jealousy, desperation, longing, love. He could barely breathe through it.

His hands clutched at the table, his knuckles white, pain shooting up through his wrists and he was glad of it, he concentrated on it, pushing away everything else inside, trying to hold himself together when he could feel his body trying to shake itself apart.

From the corner of his eye he could see Taguchi, he'd dropped to the floor, his face buried in his hands as his shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. Ueda wanted to feel for him, some part of him knew that whatever he was feeling, Taguchi could only be feeling twice as badly, it was his baby, or rather it wasn't, should have been. But the more malicious part of himself, the part he couldn't seem to control recently, was glad. Taguchi had done this to himself, to them both, he should be the one to suffer most for it, he deserved to feel every drop of pain Ueda was feeling threefold.

He should go and comfort Taguchi, it's what a good boyfriend should do, a good boyfriend shouldn't feel so much blame and resentment, he thought, but just the sight of Taguchi, of his pain, twisted something deep in Ueda that he couldn't even begin to understand.

“Tatsuya” Taguchi whined, his voice pathetic, needy annoying. He was looking up at Ueda now, his eyes worried, pleading. “Tatsuya...say something...”. He looked away, down to his hands and carefully peeled them from tables edge. “Tatsuya...” Taguchi started again, and just the sound set all those feelings alight again.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get out. Get out of my house.” he could feel his hands shaking again, his eyes hot, his head throbbing with the strain of trying to stay calm.

“Why?” Taguchi asked, getting up from the floor in an ungraceful lurch.

Ueda darted from his seat to maintain the distance between them, but his heart gave a weak flutter at the sight of Taguchi's desperate expression chasing after him.

“Because I can't look at you.” he admitted “Because looking at you makes it hurt too much.” his hands moved to his chest unconsciously, clutching at the front of his smart shirt as though to illustrate the pain swirling around inside there. “I don't want to see you any more.”

He set off slowly down the hallway to his bedroom as Taguchi remained frozen, his mind wrapping itself around all the meanings of that sentence.

He'd barely reached the door when he heard feet padding along quickly behind him. Taguchi followed him in inside, shutting the door behind them, trapping them. “You want to break up with me because I'm not having a baby with someone else?”

He'd been trying not to think about it, refusing to make a decision before they even knew, knowing that the final decision was there all along, and here it was, his mind making the decision without his input. It was a culmination of all the feelings stirring inside him, and without reasons and explanations and excuses prepared, he just had to go with raw feeling. “Junno...it's not working between us.”

“What?” Taguchi exclaimed. “What's not working?”

“Us...being together...”

“Of course it's working...we love each other right? We're happy together...”

He shook his head slowly, cutting off Taguchi's words and he took a moment to breathe slowly, to calm the tremors in his voice. “You're the one that kept pushing for more, getting married moving in together...I didn't think that I needed that, I thought that just being with you was enough, that it was more important than anything else in the world, but the more you shove all these impossible things into my face, the more I realise that I want them, I want to get married, I want to buy a house with a nice garden to settle down and grow old in, and I want to have children.”

“You said yourself we can't have that...”

“Exactly...that's why I can't be with you any more.”

Taguchi was speechless, his mouth held open, frozen as tears trickled thick and fast down his face. “But I love you...”

“I love you too...but it's not enough.” Taguchi still looked confused, torn, he had to make sure he understood, this nightmare had to end. “I love you so, so much Junno...but I need more than what you can give me...loving you isn't enough.”

Taguchi's face clouded over, his expression no longer readable as he nodded slowly. He turned without a word and walked from the room. Ueda stood frozen, the last ten minutes, it couldn't have been longer than that, sinking in on him at last. It was over. He'd lost everything.

The sound of the door clicking shut echoed through the apartment.


	20. February 15th 2014

The clock read 3am when he woke to the sound of dogs barking. His head was throbbing, the empty bottle of wine still lay next to him on the living room floor. He rolled over the other way, burying his head under his arm, not ready to face the world again, but the barking continued.

“Shut up” he called out weakly, but the barking only intensified, the sound of claws scratching at the kitchen door, where the dogs had been shut all night, joining the whines and yaps. He lay for as long as he could take it, but eventually the need to clear the noise from his throbbing head won out and he dragged himself up to his feet, only stumbling a little as he made his way to the kitchen door.

He expected the dogs to dash straight for the door, indicating they wanted to go out, but instead they continued barking as they ran frantically through every room of the small flat.

“He's not here.” Ueda groaned eventually, the noise still stabbing through his skull. “Junno's gone.”

The simple words brought everything back. All the sadness, the anguish, the heart-break, and he'd thrown Taguchi out like he meant nothing. He wandered back into the living room and dropped himself down onto the sofa, he had to do something, he had to say something, he had to figure out what the hell it was he wanted.

He lay back and threw his arm over his eyes again, shutting out the barks and whines, and he tried to think, to think of everything, to remember how he'd felt before things got so complicated. At some point a wet tongue licked at his elbow, and the small act of affection made him realise how cold and unaffectionate he'd been himself, how he'd been pushing Taguchi away, he'd been cold and uncaring and despite everything, despite all that was going on, what Taguchi could have had and wasn't getting from him, Taguchi still wanted to make things work with him.

He rolled over and pulled the small dog, Tiko he recognised, up onto the sofa with him and he buried his face into the soft fur as he started to sob. He'd ruined everything, he'd thrown it all away, and he missed Taguchi unbearably.

When he finally felt like he could breathe again, he pushed himself up on the sofa, and climbed up, staggering, no longer drunk but desperate, to the other side of the room where his phone lay. He dialled Taguchi's number, listened intently to every single ring before the line cut off, and then he tried again.

Fifteen minutes and five unanswered calls later, he was starting to panic, what if Taguchi wouldn't hear him out, what if that was it? if he didn't even get chance to explain that he knew how stupid he'd been, what if he didn't get get chance to apologise?

He grabbed his keys and dashed for the genkan, slipping on the first shoes he came across and dashed out of the door. He'd barely made it into the car before the engine was on and he was speeding his way towards Taguchi's apartment, an uncomfortable twisting in his chest.

The discomfort only grew as he reached Taguchi's building, the mini wasn't anywhere to be seen. Just to be sure, Ueda parked his own car in the usual space and made his way up to the apartment, unlocking the door to the eerie silence inside.

“Junno...” he called out, but there was no answer, nothing stirring in the dark room, and Ueda felt almost sick with worry.

He wandered through each room, but everything was in place, strangely silent and still. He picked up his cell phone, and dialled Taguchi's number again, but there was still no answer, and no noise in the apartment.

He called Maru's number next, just so that he didn't feel quite so alone, but the voice at the other end of the line did nothing to ease his worry.

“Ueda, what's wrong?” Maru asked impatiently for the third time.

“Have you heard from Junno?” he asked, his mind unable to focus on anything but the other man.

“Why would I have heard from him?” Maru asked annoyed “And why at 4am?”

“He's not here.” Ueda answered vaguely, returning to the genkan of Taguchi's apartment, but then not quite ready to give up, he sat down on the floor, the reality of it sinking in. “We fought, and I broke up with him...and he left, and now I can't find him...”

“What...you broke up? What happened?”

What hadn't happened? Where did he start? “Maru...I'm at Junno's apartment...I don't want to be on my own...”

There was a soft sigh from the other side of the line, and then some shuffling. “Ueda...” Maru started hesitantly. “How serious is this?”

He didn't even know how to answer, he'd thought that everything had crashed down around him hours ago when Taguchi had told him the DNA results, but that was nothing, nothing to how he felt without Taguchi. He shook his head, not trusting his voice, but a quiet sob fought its way out as fresh tears started to roll down his cheeks.

“I'm on my way.” Maru said softly, and then the line went dead.

Ueda climbed back up to his feet and wandered back into the living room, unsure what to do with himself. He didn't want to put on the TV, or a light even, he just wanted Taguchi to come home.

He was still standing in the dark, sometime later when the door opened behind him. For a fraction of a second his heart stopped, but then Maru's voice, followed by shuffling feet, floated through to him.

The light above him flicked on, and he turned to find Maru, accompanied by Koki and Kame, staring bleary-eyed at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but the tears started again and he just shook his head.

Koki stepped forward first, pulling him into his arms and he let his head fall to Koki's shoulder as the others moved around them, Kame pulling up seats and beanbags while Maru went to the kitchen to make tea. Eventually he was pried from Koki's hold and manoeuvred onto the centre seat of the sofa, a hot cup of tea placed into his hands. “Ok, start from the beginning.”

He took a moment, distracting himself by blowing on his tea, and then taking a small sip before letting out a sigh. “We've been fighting a lot...for a while now...since he...proposed. He's been pushing for so much, for us to get married and move in together, and it's not that I don't want to, but we've got to be realistic right? And careful...”

All three nodded sympathetically but it was Kame that spoke “It's ok, I get it, you do need to be careful...”

“Careful.” Ueda repeated, this time thinking of something else. “Things were already tense and then Mayuko-san showed up again..eight months pregnant.”

Maru gasped while the other two continued to stare at him wide-eyed. “He's not...”

“No.” Ueda revealed, shaking his head. “She didn't know who the father was, and she wanted him to take a paternity test...the baby isn't his but for a while we didn't know and it was very confusing for the both of us.”

“Did you want it to be his?” Koki asked.

He shook his head, but it wasn't a denial. “I don't know, we didn't talk about it. I don't think either of us wanted too but I just...I didn't give him chance, we barely saw each other. And about the baby...I think we both did and didn't at the same time. I mean...I want to have children and he does too but we can't...and we accepted that...and it would kill me a little to know that they had a baby together...”

“So what happened tonight? Last night should I say...” Maru pushed. “You fought...”

“We only just found out...the results came back, and I was in shock, and confused and I snapped at him. I shouldn't have done, I should have comforted him, and been there to reassure him...but I was confused and angry and there really couldn't have been a good outcome to the situation...”

“You said you broke up with him?”

Ueda nodded, ashamed, and his voice was quieter, shakier when he spoke again. “I was really upset, and I'd been trying so hard not to think about everything that was going on. And then everything just got too much and I didn't know what I wanted apart from that I wanted it to stop hurting so much...” He'd been distracted somewhat by filling the others in, but it was coming back to the reason they were here. “I told him I didn't want to see him any more, and he left and I can't find him now...”

“How long ago did he leave?” Kame asked, his face now concentrated.

“A while ago, before 9pm. I woke up at 3am and tried calling him, when he didn't answer I came here and there was no sign of him.” Kame nodded contemplatively.

“We all tried calling him too...there was no answer, but I don't think it's anything to worry about...he's probably just taking a bit of time to himself...”

“We'll keep trying, and when it gets a little later we can call around, see if anybody has heard from him.” Maru added.

“Yeah, and in the meantime we could drive around, see if he's gone to any places you like to hang out, if he's at the jimusho or one of the studios or something...”

Ueda nodded, his chest still aching, but soothed a little by their reassurances. “Thanks guys, I really appreciate it...I just want to know that he's ok, and to tell him that I'm sorry...”

Kame wrapped an arm around him. “Don't worry, we'll find him.”

Maru and Koki went together, driving around the work buildings they thought Taguchi could have gone to, checking the parking lots for his car and Ueda with Kame, checking their more personal hangouts, the billiards club, the gym, the park, but there was no sign of him.

At almost 7am Kame's phone rang and the two of them looked at each other, Kame was driving and Maru knew to call Ueda's phone, and there was no other reason for anyone to be calling that early. The number was unknown so Kame set it to hands free and answered the call hesitantly.

“Kame?” came a familiar voice, though not the one Ueda had been hoping to hear. “It's Ohno, I just saw on the news...is Taguchi-kun alright?”

Ueda's eyes widened and Kame swallowed thickly. “What do you mean? What was on the news?”

“You haven't heard? I mean...I guess they didn't say that it was him but I recognise his car from that time we went fishing...”

“What happened?” Ueda interrupted, desperate to know where Taguchi was.

“It's on the news because of the traffic delays...his car is wrapped around a lamp-post somewhere outside of Yokohama.


	21. February 15th 2014

He waited until 9am to call his manager, he didn't want to worry his mother with it and he couldn't face calling one of the other members, he couldn't take the questions from them, explaining why he was cold and alone the day after Valentine's Day.

It seemed someone had gotten there first though, his manager flapped about, almost screaming about how worried everyone had been not knowing where he was and what they were going to say when it got out about his accident. He just assured her he was fine, he'd been driving tired, thought he saw something in the road and lost control of the car, that was all, and he was fine.

She must have believed him if the lecture he got almost two hours later when she picked him up from the hospital was anything to go by. He ignored her the best he could, staring off out of the window, trying to empty his mind of anything might trigger another breakdown.

He just wanted to be alone, to bury himself away from the rest of the world, but still, once they arrived at his apartment, she insisted on walking him up.

What he found when he arrived was even worse, all four of his bandmates stood up as he entered, Koki and Kame both rushing at him to hug him and tell him how worried they'd been. Maru was further back, his face relieved but his arm was clutching the last of their group to him, comforting him.

Taguchi turned away, he didn't even want to see that face, couldn't, he could feel the tears already burning the backs of his eyes.

With a few more words of warning, his manager took her leave, but there were still far too many people crowding him, and without the safety of her ignorance he'd be left with only them and the truth.

“Junno, we were so fucking worried, you're a fucking asshole, what happened?” Koki asked, his hands gripping just a little too firmly to his bruised arm.

“It was an accident.” he insisted, shaking his head, “I just need to get some rest.”

“We know...” Maru said slowly, and Ueda's eyes dropped to the floor in shame. “We know everything, about the baby, and about Ueda breaking...”

“Shut up.” he shouted, startling even himself. “Please, don't ok? Just...I can't right now...”

“Junno, we're not accusing you, or blaming you for anything...” Koki started, leading him over to the sofa where he sat himself down subconsciously.

“We understand” Kame added, moving to crouch on the floor in front of him. “We're not blaming you for what happened with Mayuko-san, it was an accident and we understand how hard it must have been, going through all that, but you could have talked to us about it, you shouldn't have had to deal with that alone...”

No, he shouldn't, he thought. His boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, should have been there for him, he should have understood and supported him regardless of how jealous or angry it made him.

“Junno...” it was Ueda's voice next, cracked and broken from tears and it made him feel sick. “Junno, I'm so, so, so...” another crack, a sniff “so, sorry...I don't want to fight with you any more. Can't...” another sickening sob “Can't we just forget it all...I love you.”

“Get out.” he replied, his voice cold but worn out. “I can't do this right now...”

He chanced a glance up to Ueda's face to find his expression shocked and lost, it tugged a little at the inside of his chest but there was just far too much, too many other words and arguments and curses running around in his head.

“But Junno...” Ueda cried, his tears unrestrained and he moved to drop to the floor in front of him. “Junno I was an idiot...we can't...please...”

“Just go.” he pushed, pulling his hand away from where Ueda was trying to grip it on his knee.

“No.” Ueda continued to cry, shaking his head furiously. “I won't leave until you tell me there's still a chance for us.”

“I don't know” he shouted, his head pounding and his eyes burning again.

“Pomu.” Koki intervened, tugging Ueda up by the arm. “Give him some space to work through this OK? You haven't exactly been helpful the past few weeks.”

It's what he'd been feeling inside, but to hear it from somebody else felt like a slap in the face, still he was in no state to defend the other man, he just needed some time to figure things out.

“I know...” Ueda said, barely above a whisper.

“Then go.” Koki pushed gently. “Maru, could you take him home?

Taguchi turned away as the oldest member all but dragged Ueda from the room. There was silence until the click of the door shutting behind them echoed through the apartment.

“Junno...” Kame asked gently. “Junno, what really happened?”

He looked at them both a little bewildered until Koki elaborated. “Come on Junno, you and Ueda have this huge fight and then you accidentally crash your car? We're not going to have a go at you or lecture you, we just want to help you...”

“It was an accident. I wasn't tryng to kill myself. I was just angry and upset...I was driving too fast and I just...I just lost control of the car...”

“Honestly?” Kame asked.

“I promise” Taguchi assured him, mostly truthfully. He didn't want to elaborate on his little break down for fear they'd think he was unstable and insist on staying with him. “Really...I'm just tired...I didn't sleep much.”

“How did you get to the hospital?” Koki asked next.

“I walked, I was a little dazed right after, concussed they think, I didn't even think about calling anyone, I didn't take anything out of the car with me and I just kept walking in the direction of the street lights until I found a hospital...”

Koki nodded. “And what did the doctors say?”

“I'm fine...sprained wrist” he said, indicating his bandaged wrist. “Probably concussion, but I'm ok to sleep now, and whiplash. They told the manager I should take a few days off, but I think I'll be fine once I sleep.”

Koki and Kame exchanged a meaningful look. “I have work.” Kame announced. “Koki is free for a couple of hours, he'll stay with you for now, just in case you need anything.”

“I don't need...” he started, but he was cut off by Koki.

“I don't care. I'm staying so get used to it. I'll run you a bath and then you can sleep all right?”

He heaved a sigh and nodded, defeated. “Thank you.”

Kame stood to leave and rubbed Taguchi's shoulder “Take care all right? And I know it's hard but...maybe when you feel up to it, you could give Ueda a call. He feels really bad about how he's been with you.”


	22. March 24th -26th 2014

It had been five weeks, five weeks of cold shoulders and being ignored. It was breaking Ueda's heart. He'd tried not to let it show though, occupying himself fully with work whenever he could and the gym whenever he couldn't. He knew he only had himself to blame and despite his efforts to be friends, Taguchi kept insisting he needed time and space, so that's what he was giving him.

Maru had been keeping him company too, on most nights that he was free, taking him out to dinner and hanging out at home watching movies.

“How is he?” Ueda asked on one such evening, and not for the first time.

“He's alright.” Maru answered, and then he rolled his eyes at Ueda's begging expression. “The same, he's still not his usual self, but he's alright. I think he's sleeping a little better. He ate a little more than usual when we went out the other day”

Ueda nodded, hanging on every word “That's good, I'm really glad for him...has he...has he mentioned me at all?”

He could tell from Maru's face that he wanted to say yes, but he let out a long sigh and shook his head truthfully. “We're still trying not to mention you too...I think it upsets him just thinking about you.”

He felt his chest throbbing with hurt but he blinked back the tears that were threatening, reminding himself that he deserved everything he got. “Yeah...I can imagine.”

Maru turned to face him. “Ueda, I'm really sorry for the ways things have turned out between you two, but you've just got to hang in there and maybe he'll come around...if not then, maybe things just weren't meant to be...”

It was too much, the thought of them remaining like that for the rest of their lives was just too painful to think about. “But I love him.” Ueda pleaded. “I love him so much...can't you just tell him that?”

“He knows...” Maru replied with a sad finality. “There's no point in telling him, it's obvious the way you feel about him, but you can't push him...”

He knew it was true but he just wanted so much for something, anything to bring them just that little bit closer.

26th March 2014

His wish was granted only two days later when they were pushed together for a photo-shoot and crosstalk. They managed to plaster on their fake smiles and wave at the camera, pull funny poses, laugh together as though they're the best of friends, but the whole time Ueda's chest felt empty inside, like he was so close to falling into nothing. He could tell Taguchi felt a similar fate by the look in his eyes, a stark contrast to the brightness of his smile.

The interview only got harder, the questions regarding things they'd like to do together were easy enough to keep on work but the last question had Ueda's mouth drying up. 'What are your recent impressions of each other.' I love him, Ueda wanted so answer, but it wasn't the time or the place. Instead he commented on how strong he thinks Taguchi is, concentrating 100% on work and giving it his all no matter what his personal circumstances. And then he waited with bated breath for Taguchi's reply.

“I think he's a very determined person.” Taguchi answered cautiously. “I like that once he finally manages to settle his mind on something, he refuses to give it up, regardless of how hopeless it might seem.”

It was like a double edged blade plunging straight through his heart. It was enough that Taguchi had used the term 'like' in regard to him, but the idea of his desires being hopeless twisted the knife a little deeper.

By the time he'd packed his things together to leave, he was feeling torn. On one had he was elated by their successful interaction, and on the other he felt sad that it had all been for show.

Slowly he made his way back to his car, and headed to the gym to let off a little steam. Then he went home to his lonely apartment, to shower, take care of the dogs and then figure out how to distract himself for the rest of the night.

He hadn't written music in such a long time, so he sat himself down at his piano and tried to play through pieces he knew in the hopes it would bring on some inspiration. He'd been hoping there would be concert announcements soon, not only because he loves live concerts, but because the distraction of preparing would be more than welcome. He'd decided he wanted to write something again for the next concerts, so as he sat there, hour after hour he waited for inspiration to come.

Just as he felt he was finally getting somewhere, there was another sound, a different musical tinkling, his phone, he realised, and part of him wanted to ignore it, but he got up with a sigh anyway, it could be work.

It wasn't. Ueda had to take a second look when he saw Taguchi's name flashing across the screen. Nervously he pressed the answer button and raised it to his ear.

“Hello...” he said quietly, but instead of Taguchi's voice, he was greeted with music, a familiar song. One that he knew the meaning to. Baby Blue.

He swallowed hard and then almostt whispered. “I'm on my way.” before dashing out of the apartment.

He let himself in when he arrived, running straight into the living room to find Taguchi standing in the centre of the room, his phone still clutched in his hand.

“Junno...” he asked tentatively.

“Tatsuya” was Taguchi's desperate reply, and then he was rushing forward, pulling Ueda into the tightest of embraces. All he could do was hold on, squeezing as tightly as he could as Taguchi shook with quiet sobs, and answering tears rolled down his own cheek.

“I want to forget you, but I can't, I miss you so much, I miss everything...” Taguchi sobbed.

“It's OK, we'll be alright, we'll figure it out together. Let's just move on OK? Let's just be together?”

Taguchi nodded, looking deeply into Ueda's eyes and his voice was almost pleading when he spoke. “I've been thinking about it, about everything, thinking through every fight we've had, finding every reason I can to hate you. But they're nothing, nothing compared to the good things. There's been so much going on that it doesn't feel like that any more, and I keep telling myself that it's because the feelings aren't there any more, that we've forgotten them...”

“I haven't.” Ueda insisted.

“I haven't either...things just got so confusing...we just got lost for a while. But we don't need to be...if we try then we can find our way back...”

Ueda nodded. “We can.” He believed it too.

“We'll put everything else aside OK? We won't think about marriage and houses and the future...let's just concentrate on what we have now”

He nodded again “We already have so much to be grateful for...we just need to go back to the start and remind ourselves...”

He was cut off by Taguchi's lips pressing hard against his own, and then his world was turned on it's head a moment later when Taguchi's arms were tight around him, his tongue invading his mouth as his feet left the floor. In the next moment he found himself pressed down against something soft, but his mind was still spinning too much from Taguchi's tongue to remember how he got there.

Taguchi pulled away long enough to let an appreciative look wander over him and it sent a shiver down Ueda's spine. Taguchi's eyes were still red and wet from tears but now there was hunger in them. His mouth widened into a smile that Ueda had missed so much it hurt. “I remember how it all started.”

Ueda smirked back at him, his heart pounding in excitement as he put all of his weight into pushing Taguchi off of him and reversing their positions. He leaned down to kiss Taguchi again, all passion and raw feeling, all teeth and tongues battling for dominance until he couldn't take it any more. “Roll over then, I want you on your hands and knees.”


End file.
